tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-451509587037762640.post1342022346530831529..comments2023-10-29T10:29:53.827-04:00Comments on Just For Today - Leveraging The Tools of Al-Anon: On-line Weekend Al-Anon Meeting on; Major ResponsibilitiesUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-451509587037762640.post-423771037658341092008-05-01T12:09:00.000-04:002008-05-01T12:09:00.000-04:00I think some of where I got lost with the alcoholi...I think some of where I got lost with the alcoholic was when he totally crashed with self destruction and absolutely gave up. I am living in a house with a room mate right now who is also crashing and normally I would be jumping right in to "save" him and feeling very good about it. These days I know where that leads to tremendous resentment. Nevertheless I do have to look at that where I got a tremendous amount of validation and what I felt was appreciation was when I did for others what they needed to do for themselves. The Alcoholic showed me great love and care when I was "rescuing" him, little at any other time, talk about being primed to rescue him. He would also set it up so that he had to be "rescued". I understand that desire to manipulate because I grew up in chaos and dysfunction. I also know where it leads to tremendous chaos, resentment and eventually disintegration.<BR/><BR/>I fine it very very very hard to stand by while my roommate grapples with depression and paralysis. Nevertheless I do because I've offered help and he's refused to. I'm used to pushing help on others, giving it without being asked and draining myself. That's my norm. The norm for me is to give beyond my means, beyond my energy and beyond my capability. I have stopped but its a hard stop as my self esteem was based on "helping" others and feeling useful in that way.<BR/><BR/>Maresie.maresiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06247997759974411237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-451509587037762640.post-85828301297491375662008-04-27T22:13:00.000-04:002008-04-27T22:13:00.000-04:00Responsible to, not responsible for.......Wow.. Wh...Responsible to, not responsible for.......<BR/><BR/>Wow.. What a message!<BR/><BR/>Interdependant, vs. Codependant.<BR/><BR/>Peace this Sunday.<BR/><BR/>KevinBAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-451509587037762640.post-67219039415941767972008-04-26T20:51:00.000-04:002008-04-26T20:51:00.000-04:00I kow personally for myself I lived in a very unha...I kow personally for myself I lived in a very unhappy home. The chaos,the fights between my mom and her husband. It was always crazy. My mom did drink my stepdad. We grew up my sister and my brother having to take care of ourselves emotionally. Kids are supposed to I thought have that nurturing side from a parent that is always a given. My mom provided food clothing shelter the basic needs and bought us things but never addressed that love the emotional component we needed.<BR/>So we had survival skills and yes took on the major respnsibilities long before we became adult. The roles were definitely reversed. So i felt like at times i was my mom mother instead of her daughter. I reconize that and i have struggled with that heavy burden i put on myself. Actually it is like a big resntment to me when i feel i have to be this super responsible person for everyone else. I dont and the sooner i realize or have realized that i can only change me. That is a hard enough job on its own. Do i slip. Absolutely and i get right back on it and try again. i can only be responsible for myself.So when i get into the martyr or the situation to control my qualifier. I do my best to just take a step back. Sometimes i can and sometimes I cant. I know for my own sanity i have to do this for myself. He isnt my responsibility and never was So just like me I am a child of God and i relase him Like i said i slip but if it wasnt for this program I dont know where i would be. I needed Alanon a whole lot longer before this qualifier was in my life. I had many but i am learning to just accept the things i cant change. One day at a timeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-451509587037762640.post-36352865023816768142008-04-26T16:05:00.000-04:002008-04-26T16:05:00.000-04:00SO TRUE!!!I almost don't know who I am if I am not...SO TRUE!!!<BR/><BR/>I almost don't know who I am if I am not carrying the weight of the world. <BR/><BR/>My therapist said a couple great things: <BR/>He said I can be responsible TO people but not FOR people. So yes, I can express a concern to my qualifier (or anyone else), because we are in a relationship... but I have to leave it at that. <BR/><BR/>He also said that perhaps I could treat my qualifier with respect and ASK if he would like to hear some feedback. Then it is up to him whether he would like to hear it or not. <BR/>On the other hand, it is MY prerogative to not want to be around people if they are behaving in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable or behave in ways I am not happy with.<BR/>Good stuff!<BR/><BR/>I am so used to shouldering the burden for everything, that I do not and cannot trust that anyone else can do it for me/with me. In fact, I probably, a little bit, try to do things to drive that other person to abandon me, to prove I was right. I am all alone. I'll do it myself. Yet I ACHE to walk (equally) WITH someone. <BR/><BR/>I have trouble giving myself over to truly loving because I am afraid of rejection and abandonment. <BR/>Do I even know how to truly RECEIVE love? <BR/>No, not really.<BR/>I hold myself back from receiving because I am afraid it will go away or let me down.<BR/><BR/>Ahhhh... it sounds SO nice to think of letting go and letting God and truly partnering with someone.tearlessnightshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075956808695556513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-451509587037762640.post-56454406236019401912008-04-26T05:44:00.000-04:002008-04-26T05:44:00.000-04:00Alicia - please join us this weekend. There are ma...Alicia - please join us this weekend. There are many who can provide, hope, strength and courage.<BR/><BR/>See Alicia's request<BR/><A HREF="http://alanondiary.blogspot.com/2008/04/do-i-think-or-is-it-just-happening-to.html?showComment=1209165840000#c4239253124714225581" REL="nofollow">the request </A><BR/><BR/>Or paste this into your browser; http://alanondiary.blogspot.com/2008/04/do-i-think-or-is-it-just-happening-to.html?showComment=1209165840000#c4239253124714225581Joehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16995110086645670446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-451509587037762640.post-15776512905939835812008-04-26T01:21:00.000-04:002008-04-26T01:21:00.000-04:00This is really an excellent post. Thank you.I am ...This is really an excellent post. Thank you.<BR/><BR/>I am working on realizing that I do "not have to solve all the problems of the world or the house or the business I am in. That no matter what others problems are, they are really not mine to solve."<BR/><BR/>And this brings me great hope and great relief from anxiety: "And that problems too big for me, are also not mine to solve. These are God's."ttthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06018092920225780040noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-451509587037762640.post-71412461556915261072008-04-25T20:06:00.000-04:002008-04-25T20:06:00.000-04:00Accept the things I cannot change,Courage to chang...Accept the things I cannot change,<BR/>Courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference--that sums it up for me. I don't need to be all things to all people. I just spent about an hour on the phone trying to convince my cousin's wife that she doesn't need to be at the beck and call of my cousin who has a disability. She is losing who she is and isn't appreciated for what she does. She isn't in a 12 step program but her behavior is enabling. She is doing for him what he needs to do for himself. Thanks for the topic.Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.com