Well, following up, I went to dinner with the President and the people in the office. Actually, everyone had a really good time (me too).
While I didn't drink, three others didn't either. I wasn't counting - but I do recall this as I scan from memory around the table.
Today I am making a change - when you rent a house and the house is for sale - the house can be sold!
Well, I am moving. Moving is stressful. Divorce is stressful. Raising a child is stressful. Work is stressful. Or is it?
I need to make a mind shift. Whenever I get into this state, somewhere along the way I am able to shift my thinking.
Actually, all the above is - life. And many of the things are change and the change is always for the better. Each time - and I really mean this - I think God has forgotten about me and has heaped something else on my plate - is has - I believe - always been for the good.
I have found that each and every time something huge has come along - it always worked out for the better. Now with a program I can use the tools. I am using Step 1, 2 and 3 - on everyone of these. And I am remembering - "It will either work out or . . . . it will work out."
At Al-Anon on Tuesday I shared my plight at a meeting after I blogged. There wasn't a discussion leader and I was asked as I was walking into the meeting if I wanted to lead the discussion. Being a good helper I said "Yes, of course."
I was given the book "How Al-Anon Works" and I believe it is chapter 11 that discusses detachment and - I remember the word/term "becoming enmeshed" or "enmeshment." That is what I am feeling and sensing myself doing. I become wrapped up in work - and I see myself and work as one, the same. I am work. I am a person too who becomes wrapped up into someone else liking me. Even though I deny it.
I must work on detachment more. I thought I had this one - but obviously I don't.
Your insight and honesty help me every time I read your blog.
ReplyDeleteThank you
Change your mind and change your life!
ReplyDeletehang in there.
( Oh and Change is good!)
Cat
It is amazing that everytime I have been faced with "change" this past year, it has only made me stronger, wiser, and more comfortable in my own skin.
ReplyDeleteThe more I held on, the tighter my chest became.
It is wonderful to just breath again!
Peace this Thursday.
KevinB
I moved after 13 years in NYC to a small town in Colorado this past May. It has been the hardest change I've undergone in my 39 years. I'm not sure how long I will stay, but the things that I've learned about myself are invaluable-and painful.
ReplyDeleteAnd Alanon meetings have helped a lot.
best to you
c
A friend sent this to me awhile back. I keep it on an index card at my desk as a daily reminder...
ReplyDelete"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Blessings,
Laurie
I read this on a coffee mug yesterday.
ReplyDeleteJust when the caterpillar thought the world was coming to an end, he became a butterfly.
Thanks for the reminder about getting enmeshed. We're doing layoffs at work today. I needed to hear that.
Detachment is an ongoing process for me. It and expectations are issues that I deal with. But there will always be some issues. It's awareness of those that is helping.
ReplyDeleteJoe-the fear of becoming enmeshed at work is something I always need work on. This week I was told by a neurologist I work with that I was condescending through someone on her staff. She couldn't pull any examples. I stewed over this for 4 days...I completely understand enmeshment. When I finally opened up to two of my partners about the situation, one of them totally understood and said I was entitled to feel that way. Go figure! We are entitled to feel this way!
ReplyDeleteI have to remember daily that God is in my life and is the only thing that grants me the ability to stay in the moment. I feel like you in some ways-knowing you are changing, but still wanting to be so much further ahead. Just hang in there-you will get there and so will I.
Joe,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. We've all been there and continue to walk the fine line between attachment and detachment. It's a daily process of awareness and choices. Have a wonderful Halloween!!! Good luck with the move. Amy
It is interesting that sometimes not drinking gives other people "permission" not to drink as well. The irony is that I am not a big drinker and also wasn't when I met my alcoholic boyfriend. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteSometimes people ask me why I don't drink and I have to go into this lengthy explanation about how it makes me feel like crap. Which it does. The window of enjoyment is very brief, and hangover-like symptoms start almost immediately: headache, stomach upset, moodiness.
If I had to give a short explanation, it would probably be "I have developed an allergy to alcohol." This is true in more than one sense. Seeing the damage it does in so many lives, I have an oversensitivity to it on an emotional level as well. It pains me to watch people become less intelligent, less interesting versions of themselves as they drink.
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