Seeking Outside Ourselves

Why is it that I continue to measure myself and my "success" against society's "norms?" In trying to become "content" with myself and measure my self from within, I am working on detaching from seeing myself and valuing myself by what I "own."

I read several places where I never really own anything. I wind up giving it all back when I die.

Hmmmm.

I was once told by someone who was pretty well off, "not to work so hard, and relax." I said to her, in my usual smart-ass style (I should say my old smart-ass style, although I think I still have a shred of it), "Sure, easy for you to say, give up all your money, and you relax."

Anyway, what's the point? The point is sometimes we or I, are never satisfied. Or just when we solve one problem, there is another one right behind it. Sure this is easy to say when your house is not on fire. But it is rare when our house is on fire. And it is of only these times that I make these points.

So, give up worrying about measuring ourselves against someone or something else. There is always going to be someone prettier, smarter, wiser, richer, more famous, more articulate, and so on.

Seek from within. Measure your self against how you were yesterday. Did you improve? Did you follow your Al-Anon program? Did you keep your mouth shut? Say the Serenity Prayer? Call a friend, ask how they are doing? Ask to lead the Al-Anon meeting? Volunteer? Compliment someone today? Do someone a good turn without being found out?

This just in from Zen writer Senrin; "If you do not get it from yourself, where will you go for it?"

I love Zen. It has this subtle way of kicking you in the buttooski, in a fun, gentle kind of way.

Everything is within you. Do not seek the opinions of others to set the value of your worth. You are whole, and perfect - ALREADY!

Age 15?

Saw on the news about two weeks ago - CNN - Mr Gupta was interviewing someone - can't recall who - he had written a book . . .

I will find out the answer to the above . . .But, the author was an expert/researcher on alcoholism and addictions. He said somethings that were startling to me.

The major one to me was; That the chances of alcoholism increases by some enormous percentage if the person is under 15 when they start tasting alcohol.

Now that I heard that statistic, I am hearing about people who have/had an alcohol problem and they too began drinking before 15. I wonder how many of our qualifiers out here, started drinking early - before 15 years of age.

I was just at a speakers meeting -where the speaker tells his "story" about how he got into Al-Anon. This is a very warm man, a man who I believe acts and thinks with such dignity and compassion that one (I) could not help but really care and love this person. He has such calmness and serenity and his story was - well, "poetic." He told the story of his son and being 15 years old.

I would be interested in hearing from you this weekend.

Worry and The Universe

Keys in Al-Anon; Step 1, 2 and 3 and 11. Worry is a habit. One of the worst kinds of habits.

Here's a news flash: What we are worried about today, won't matter a month from now. Maybe even tomorrow.

Worry is a sustained form of staying in your head and playing out what I call "Maybe drama plays" and "What if . . . scenarios." We see the event unfold in our minds and play out the dialogue. These events - if you have gotten into the "worry habit" - are never good, and are never about good.

Someone once said that this is a form of "negative goal setting." We all know what goal setting is right? It is determining what you want to have or have happen that would bring about a desired result or effect (or affect) in your life. The key word is obviously "desired." We want something. And we do this through mental imagery, affirmation, or strong intent. Our actions then match the visualization and in many cases we get what we expect.

Now, with worry, we visualize the negative event. And, unfortunately, we may get what we expect, but don't want to have happen.

Replace Negative Thoughts
Replace these negative worry thoughts. Displace them like running of cup of dirty water under a water facet. Push the dirty water out by running clean water into the cup. Your clean water will be thinking in terms of abundance, health, success, happiness.

When the "negative thoughts" begin to creep in, set up a habit where you say "Stop!" and begin to think what you want and not what you don't want.

News Flash: We worry about things that we think are so important. But unfortunately, 100 years from now, no one and I mean no one, will care. So give up the worry habit. Give up your problems that are being played out in your head.

If you have a real problem - I am not saying ignore it. I saying stop from playing it out in your head as to what might occur. Take action. But you can usually take better action from a position where you are thinking more clearly and when you are focused on the desired results and best possibility of the outcome.

Finally, give up worry and give it to God. Someone said, and I heard it more than once, "I give God only my big problems." I say, God is waaaaay too big for just the big stuff. Ask God for help on the small stuff too. It's his job and frankly, while I have not met him face to face to ask him him this, but I think he likes his job and would prefer to help you out than not to help you out.

Good luck and take care.

Why I Am Here

I belong to a new Al-Alon meeting group. In this meeting we decided as it was being formed to do something slightly different. It is to read this book "How Al-Anon Works . . . "

What we do (and I know - it may sound ridiculously moronic) is start at Chapter 1 and read a paragraph. The next person reads a paragraph and so on. It's a men's group - a pretty diverse group of guys who are pretty, I don't know how to say it exactly, smart and successful. They are; stockbrokers, lawyers, sales and marketing, HR types, and others - not a dumb one in the bunch. I tell you this about us, because reading a paragraph and then having someone else do it sounds - well - bizarre. You might think we are on the fringes of society or just plain weird. (I am weird - but not these guys. I have seen miracles that some might call coincidences a lot through my life. I am only now believing in a Higher Power and trusting more than ever my intuitive side which has been very strong). And I was very skeptical - then . . . I did it. It was - very enlightening. I think it is because of all us in a room focused on the reading must send out strong vibrational forces into the universe. It's unity and harmony perhaps [I am not even sure what I am saying - except something powerful took place yesterday].

I thought this was a bizarre way to conduct a meeting anyway, until we did it. After each paragraph you can comment.

What was really strange was in the first meeting, the person - almost to a person - who read the passage said, "Oh my God, this is me. This is my life. I could have written this."

Or they said, "I have read this book four or five (or a hundred times), and I never heard these words spoken like this before and had them resonate with me before like this."

To hear them and me say these things - it was very strange and yet uplifting.

I want to read a part of the book that means a lot to me. This is from page 5 Chapter 1. Perhaps it means something to you this week;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
None of us came to Al-Anon because our lives resemble the "happily-ever-after" of fairy tales. We come to Al-Anon because we are grappling with an assortment of problems. We hope to find answers . . .

. . . Many of us believe that we know the real problem with our friend or relative - and that it has nothing to do with alcoholism. We identify the problem as a bad temper, immaturity, too much or too little religion, lack of willpower, bad luck,, the wrong boss or wrong friends or wrong city, the children, the in-laws, physical illness or disability, financial irresponsibility, or any number of other things. When it is suggested that the underlying problem may be alcoholism we balk. After all, alcoholics are dirty, smelly, deranged bums who live on the street and have lost everything they once cherished. Or at least this may be what we've always believed.

In reality, many alcoholic have jobs, homes, families, and untarnished images or respectability. Their drinking many not be readily apparent, or it may seem barely noticeable compared to the problems that result from or go hand-in-hand with the drinking-the violence, financial and legal problems, insults and excuses, unreliable and irresponsible behavior. Besides, if everyone in our lives drinks to excess, alcoholic drinking may seem perfectly normal.

For those of us who never even knew the drinker, recognizing the true nature of the problem can be even more difficult . . . [it goes on to say we may be affected by a grandparent or distant relative - for as they say, alcoholism is a "family disease" and it is "cunning and baffling."]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always thought - before I came to Al-Anon, that alcoholism was only the people who could not function; lost jobs, wives, fought, etc.

I am now surprised to find out how little I knew. And I am not alone. The average person says they understand alcoholism, but they don't know the affects on the family members and how it may affect the family members more than the alcoholic. In fact - a psychologist - (I have to find the pamphlet) actually states it affects the spouse or close family member more than the alcoholic.

I have a couple of reasons as to why I posted this passage. I hope that this reading and the passage helps you today.

Know this;
1. You are not alone. You are only alone if you cannot find people to talk to who have been affected by this disease. The average Joe-Blow does not understand and cannot empathize with you. They will tell you in effect to "Try harder to change him or cope or . . ." or something like that which may actually harm you. Staying or doing it by yourself is "isolating." Isolating is one of the affects of the disease. The disease does not want to be called out on the carpet.
2. You are not to blame. You did not "cause it, can't cure it and can't change it." This is a fact and is one of our slogans. The disease will make you think you did it and caused it. My spouse says I am actually a "trigger." Do not accept such bull.
3. Do not engage (fight or argue or persuade). You make the illness stronger. You weaken yourself.
4. Focus on yourself. You actually strengthen you and weaken the alcoholism in the alcoholic. I can't explain why, except it works.
5. Read, go to meetings, and talk to other in Al-Anon. I love meetings. They are spiritual in nature. It is another place and opportunity for me to become "centered." It is my place to hear God and feel his presence. I do more praying here than anywhere. For those of you reading this - and feel somewhat appalled about God in Al-Anon meetings - I saw this bumper sticker at one of the facilities where AA and Al-Anon meetings take place and I like it; "God is too big for just one religion." I think this sums it up "too big." I believe he is also too big to fit into any one church alone. He is a presence that is far bigger than we have any way to comprehend.

I hope you are well. Thanks for the encouragement!

All You Can Do

I have been going through a lot lately. The "through" means - I am going through a tough time or times where I have no road map. I am in uncharted territory. I have 4 of the major and I mean major stresses going on in my life that make the top 10 list in the actuarial tables of insurance companies.

Wow. Admitting this is a relief.

I am grateful that I do not have more of the stressors, however. There are some stressors that I do not have, which put mine to shame. I won't name them, except they deal with illness and death. So, I can thank my Higher Power that I have what I have and ask him for strength to get me through.

I have been working through each rock and removing each from the road. I am dealing with the "big D," I am dealing with a move, I am dealing with some "career opportunities," I am dealing with a beautiful child (which translates to making sure this child is safe and happy without letting this child know why I am doing what I am doing), and my qualifier who is battling alcoholism, but is in denial.

Sometimes, we can do only what we can do. No more. We need to "satisfied" with what we have done and are doing. One step at a time.

Nothing resounds more clearly now than "One day at a time." I thought that slogan was for wimps. Man, I love being wrong. I really do love being wrong. It shows me that I do not know what I think I know/knew. Life is always a learning experience isn't it?

I just wish there was a little less learning lately.

But ALL I CAN DO, IS ALL I CAN DO.

Do your best. Do What YOU can. Don't allow others to "judge" or "put the heat" on you. Because you are only doing the best you can. If you could do better, you would. All you can do, IS ALL you can do.

Take care this great DAY.

What is God's Will? And Steps 1, 2, and 3

In learning Step 1 - I have had to turn over some pretty big things that I have no control over that in the past - I would have taken and run with. I would "muscle" through the things that I thought I could control and try to get the outcome I wanted.

Sometimes it worked. Sometimes - well - I think I thought it worked always. But I know this is not true now. It is impossible for me to decide if I am liked by others, get hired or promoted, it is impossible for me to control traffic, the opinions of others and the actions of others, it is impossible for me to worry about the news and change the world.

This does NOT mean I give up hope, faith and my part - action. I say "action" with a little hesitancy because it can be misconstrued as "controlling" or "manipulating" to get the outcome I want or desire. But with action I mean, that I have a part that I must play, if I want to achieve something, such as a new job. So, my action - to get a new job - might be; Get my resume together, talk to people, network, interview, explain how I can do the job, etc.

I have actions and parts I must take. I do all I can. But the outcome, well, that is not in my realm of ability to decide. So I pray and turn it over to God. But my prayer is not "God, get me the job." It is "God, show you me your will." This to me a combination of Steps 2 and 3.

This is a very, very, very (and repeat very 100 times here) new concept for me - this "God, show me your will" thing. Even as I type it - it goes against all I have learned and have made a part of me as routine. But truthfully, I KNOW I have no control as to whether that person will hire me over someone else. I can only do what I can do, up until a point. Again, this means that I am not controlling, nor manipulating. I only do the things that I can do - in a truthful, positive, manner. With "good intent."

I am going to end this post with my opinion. Of course this blog is my opinion. But I want to add hope to this post - in a well meaning way. So, here it is. I am "out there" - on a limb.

What if God wants us to be - well, er, um, "happy?" Sure he (or she), has given us some very large speed bumps on our path.

What if God will see us through whatever trials we are facing? We just have to "listen."

What if the God of our understanding, is a benevolent God? Not the God some of know from childhood as a vindictive God. Why would God be vindictive? He is waaay too powerful for us to even imagine, in my opinion, and vindictive or spiteful or jealous, is not even in his realm of possibilities.

I believe the God of my understanding will not find us guilty - only find us human.

I also believe that the God of my understanding is there -sending us messages - if we listen. And to let you know what I keep hearing and learning is the word - albeit - abstract because it is more of a feeling than a word - is "patience." Patience, dear Joseph. Patience. Patience. Patience. I keep feeling that word. I have learned this - when something happens - outside my control - and when I turn in over to God - because it is unmanageable and uncontrollable (Steps 1, 2 and 3).

What word or feeling are you getting? Sit silently. The feeling may take time to receive. But I am sure there a messages we are getting from the God of our understanding that will help us, if we listen. It does take time - though. And I am still learning - I will always be learning. Sent back to square one or two, just to learn some more.

Peace to you.