Happiness

From the same book - by Ari Kiev

A quote from Richard L Evans;

"May we never let the things we can't have, or don't have, or shouldn't have, spoil our enjoyment of the things we do have and can have. As we value our happiness let us not forget it, for one of the greatest lessons in life is learning to be happy without the things we cannot or should not have."

I would like to provide a different - modified version;

"May we never let the things we have done or haven't done, spoil our enjoyment of the things we are are doing. As we value our happiness let us not forget it, for one of the greatest lessons in life is learning to happy with what we are doing." [not what we have done wrong or done badly]

I would also add - ". . . don't allow the things we have done, keep us from doing what we could be doing."

My brain is so crazy - I beat myself up for stupid things I have done. I flog myself. I use self-perpetuated guilt. I am doing that now - I did some dumb things in the past few weeks.

I am catching myself - and I need to be gentle with myself - something I don't do very well.

I looked up this person - Evans. And this is what I found:

Richard L. Evans is best known for his inspirational messages given in the long-running weekly radio program "Music and the Spoken Word" with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. As a General Authority of the Mormon Church, he was one of their most senior leaders.

Evans became employed at KSL Radio in Salt Lake City as a staff announcer in 1930. This began his long association with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, for he announced the titles of compositions and gave station identification for the broadcast of programs that included hymns and choral works backed by The Tabernacle Organ. In time he began to include some short thoughts associated with the musical selections. These were well received and soon evolved into non-denominational inspirational "sermonettes" usually less than two minutes, about moral principles, the inter-relationships of people, and the proper approach to life. His messages were ecumenical in nature, pointing out that the differences between people are not as great as what they have in common. [emphasis added - mine]

Other quotes:

• The undertaking of a new action brings new strength.
• I don't think anything is unrealistic if you believe you can do it.
• Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
• Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.

PS - I am not endorsing nor opposing Mormons or any other religion, sect or nationality.

Surrendering to the Now

Great read from a person/therapist/counsellor Ari Kiev:

"Surrendering to the now turns off the incessant mental activity that projects negative images onto events. This reduces misinterpretation, distraction, and anxiety about future events and guilt over past events and creates a sense of calm. Surrender leads to an expansion of consciousness and increased control over you automatic nervous system, which enables you to stretch your performance in any activity beyond conventional limits. This leads to a state of "active passivity" whereby increased awareness, understanding, and tolerance allow you to control psychological processes."

This reading/passage is very comforting to me. I surrender is a powerful concept that allows me to be in the moment and helps me refrain from labeling and judging things and people and events.

Peace today is all I want and desire.

Thank you Ari Kiev

Maturity

A great reading the other day. It came from a free Al-Anon pamphlet. The discussion leader read the 16 things behind maturity.

The next week, different meeting, and I swear, I don't recall seeing this person at the previous meeting, held the same exact discussion. He copied the pamphlet and left it in the center of the room. Which of course is the Al-Anon way of saying, "You don't have to pick it up and read it." Of course this another way of not trying to exert ones behavior or opinion on another.

And of course we all jumped up and grabbed a copy.

But this morning I am writing about "maturity" too.

I read a "non conference approved book" this morning. But there are many things I now read that relates to Al-Anon.

Here is the quote:

"Maturity lies in accepting reality, not in demanding perfection. You are not perfect. Your life is not perfect. No day is perfect."

There is solace in knowing this. Whatever the hell "solace" means. Who says "solace" by the way? A blogger without a large vocabulary. Ahhhhh, sarcasm, used against the self - a false modesty and humbleness.

In the past couple of days, I realized I am getting hooked again. My immaturity and seeking certain outcomes - sometimes by forcing solutions and attaching my self-worth to the outcome is getting me into a little trouble. I am "fighting" by arguing. I love a good debate. I seek it out in many ways. I can cut through a person's words and sentences and even the sentence structure (even though I suck at English grammar) just to "win." But it only occurs when someone "attacks me."

What are people doing when people attack me?

I am renting a nice 4 or depending who you ask - a 5 bedroom house. My "other" house is paid off and that is where my Whenever to be ex lives. It is expensive and well -worth a lot of money - AND paid off. I am a saver of money. Spend thrift. Well, I got trigger because my landlord - to whom I pay A LOT of mullah to (that's money in English slang), stated in a friggin' email that I was not "allowing Realtors to 'show' the house. and that I should Section 3 of the contract."

Well, dear Joseph, my ugly side, read Section 3. I am not an attorney, but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express once, shot back reread Section 3 and pointed out certain words and phrases like "appropriate times" and "consideration" and etc. And I shoved that across the Internet cable like a grenade going up their you know what.

I was triggered. I felt "how dare they?" I have more money that them. I busted my ass all my life and now I am stuck in a rented home having them tell me that realtors can come anytime they want to (some want to come at 6PM at night while I am eating dinner or changing clothes and I said "No." I would have said, Okay before and sacrificed myself and well-being and my needs for people I don't even know. But now, with Al-Anon programming, I am a worthwhile person and I COME FIRST so don't fuck with me. Okay Al-Anon does not say "don't fuck with me." But I am worthy. And I do come first. So now I say "No" without much guilt. Whereas before, guilt would leap around for several hours in my brain on a trampoline.

So, they are pissed I am making the realtor work around my schedule. Well, tough. I read Section 3. And .....

Isn't life grand? Life gives me all sorts of tests. Major and minor to test my maturity. Life equals reality. Al-Anon teaches me to experience reality and be mature. Also to act mature. And realize I am not perfect and that's okay.

Control, Offering Opinions and Dependency

I am often amazed how members of Al-Anon will come up to me or some one else after a meeting and provide either advice or in the discussion - comment on what some one said or is saying. What I hear is - "That is not true it is this or that." Or what else I hear is "You should do this." And then there is a more indirect route, "Have you thought about . . . "

No matter how we slice it - it is about control. Control is a path to dependency, by you who is controlling or by you, accepting the opinion.

1. No one elses opinion matters. Period. End of statement. Finis.
2. No one is right or wrong. Period. End of statement. Finis.
3. Very little matters. Which means; "Very little matters in the world. Period. End of statement. Finis.

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Hmmmmm . . .

That last statement "Very little matters." Did it get you? Do you disagree? Are you thinking "what does matter then?" And, the thought of "Very little matters in the world." - are you labeling this? Are you labeling this as;

1. Wrong?
2. Yes things do matter!! Everything matters!
3. You are giving up! You cannot give up! We must fight to the death. Is that what this translates to for you?

Yes.

Very little matters.

Even what I am typing - it doesn't matter.

But our "attachments" - what we have "decided" as "right" is what is getting me (us/you) hooked. "Right" and righteousness" - is an opposite opinion and is therefore "wrong" is a form of judgment. Being wrong makes us - "Less than" or "Unworthy." Is it the judgment that starts getting me hooked? What if it just is?

What if being wrong was accepted in our society as "Good?" What if we rejoiced in another's opinion - especially - if it was DEEPLY counter to ours?

What if we celebrated wrong and difference of opinion?

I am not talking about diversity - however - this discussion MAY BE the root of the diversity topic . . . not that my opinion matters -

And this is not to say I am not a worthy and worthwhile person.

Because here it is:

I am a worthy and worthwhile person. AND of course - so are YOU!

Your opinion of me or my blog or my hair or my underwear does not really affect me.

Well isn't that SPECIAL . . . Apologies to Church Lady (aka Dana Garvey).

I wish the sentence "Your opinion of me does not matter." what really true for me. I am hooked. I am attached to your opinion. I don't even know you and I am attached to your opinion.

How about you? Are you attached to another person's opinion? Of you? Of the world?

This is the control and dependency issue.

Go back to the statements about - all three. Can you read them and REALLY FEEL them and accept these in the deepest part of your ego/soul/brain/conscious/subconscious?

GOD - there is so much to learn.

The closest I get to GOD is serenity. I achieve serenity - by being present. Feeling my feelings. And working on not being attached to what happens, what I am thinking, the future, what I "want" or "need" and what others think (what I THINK others think).

I am aiming for peace and serenity.

Again - as my sponsor says - When you have a choice (for thoughts and actions) aim for serenity.

Today I am focusing on detachment.