Sarcasm or Self-Effacing Humor Anyone?

Where I grew up, we all used sarcasm to one degree or another. Later in life, I learned how to use self-effacing humor. I would - essentially - poke fun at myself.

Also, I would use sarcasm, not a mean sarcasm, but what I considered to be a little good natured fun, a teasing, poking gentleness toward others. It was my way of showing my affection for the other person. I would do this with males and females (when I was single).

With females it is a form of flirting - this teasing thing. So I was always careful never tease a female when I was married.

At Al-Anon a few people in various meetings came up to me and asked me not to poke fun at myself. They did not like hearing me criticize myself. My response was a very "Really? Is that how you hear it?" A resounding "yes" would be the reply.

Let me give you an example of one time when I shared. I said, "Hi I'm Joe. I must be the biggest idiot in the entire eastern hemisphere because of what I did yesterday. Wait until you hear this . . . " Or something like that. I was using drama - for effect - and probably - no definitely - for laughter through being ridiculous by exaggeration.

I truly do not think I am the biggest idiot. There are far greater idiots than me.

You see, there it is again. That last sentence.

Is that sarcastic? Is that self-effacing?

The person, whom I respect very much, came up to me and said, "I like Joe. I don't like Joe criticizing Joe." Now, she is married. She isn't hitting on me. I would have thought that a LONG time ago - possibly. But she really meant what she said. Since that time, my humor is being observed to see if I do this often.

I can tell you I asked others in Al-Anon about self-effacing humor. They said, "No don't do it." My therapist, Sherpa, guide to places I am heading without a compass or map, said the same, "Stop it now."

However, there were two guys on a boat on the lake this weekend that said, "What? Self-effacing humor is great stuff. As long as you don't take it too seriously." Of course these guys are guys. These guys are a "type cast" set of guys - like the ones - from New Jersey, or Miami or boat (pronounced boat - meaning "both" - it's a NY or NJ or Miami accent - which by the way I don't have and I am neither condoning nor condemning - however - if you are in NY and you want to rumble - I will have to say "I can take on boat of yas" - meaning "both of you.").

Anyway. I am cutting back on the self-effacing humor. I am eliminating sarcasm all together.

I would like your thoughts on whether there is room for self-effacing humor in life.