Sunday, June 7, 2009


A great reading the other day. It came from a free Al-Anon pamphlet. The discussion leader read the 16 things behind maturity.

The next week, different meeting, and I swear, I don't recall seeing this person at the previous meeting, held the same exact discussion. He copied the pamphlet and left it in the center of the room. Which of course is the Al-Anon way of saying, "You don't have to pick it up and read it." Of course this another way of not trying to exert ones behavior or opinion on another.

And of course we all jumped up and grabbed a copy.

But this morning I am writing about "maturity" too.

I read a "non conference approved book" this morning. But there are many things I now read that relates to Al-Anon.

Here is the quote:

"Maturity lies in accepting reality, not in demanding perfection. You are not perfect. Your life is not perfect. No day is perfect."

There is solace in knowing this. Whatever the hell "solace" means. Who says "solace" by the way? A blogger without a large vocabulary. Ahhhhh, sarcasm, used against the self - a false modesty and humbleness.

In the past couple of days, I realized I am getting hooked again. My immaturity and seeking certain outcomes - sometimes by forcing solutions and attaching my self-worth to the outcome is getting me into a little trouble. I am "fighting" by arguing. I love a good debate. I seek it out in many ways. I can cut through a person's words and sentences and even the sentence structure (even though I suck at English grammar) just to "win." But it only occurs when someone "attacks me."

What are people doing when people attack me?

I am renting a nice 4 or depending who you ask - a 5 bedroom house. My "other" house is paid off and that is where my Whenever to be ex lives. It is expensive and well -worth a lot of money - AND paid off. I am a saver of money. Spend thrift. Well, I got trigger because my landlord - to whom I pay A LOT of mullah to (that's money in English slang), stated in a friggin' email that I was not "allowing Realtors to 'show' the house. and that I should Section 3 of the contract."

Well, dear Joseph, my ugly side, read Section 3. I am not an attorney, but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express once, shot back reread Section 3 and pointed out certain words and phrases like "appropriate times" and "consideration" and etc. And I shoved that across the Internet cable like a grenade going up their you know what.

I was triggered. I felt "how dare they?" I have more money that them. I busted my ass all my life and now I am stuck in a rented home having them tell me that realtors can come anytime they want to (some want to come at 6PM at night while I am eating dinner or changing clothes and I said "No." I would have said, Okay before and sacrificed myself and well-being and my needs for people I don't even know. But now, with Al-Anon programming, I am a worthwhile person and I COME FIRST so don't fuck with me. Okay Al-Anon does not say "don't fuck with me." But I am worthy. And I do come first. So now I say "No" without much guilt. Whereas before, guilt would leap around for several hours in my brain on a trampoline.

So, they are pissed I am making the realtor work around my schedule. Well, tough. I read Section 3. And .....

Isn't life grand? Life gives me all sorts of tests. Major and minor to test my maturity. Life equals reality. Al-Anon teaches me to experience reality and be mature. Also to act mature. And realize I am not perfect and that's okay.


Syd said...

I think that my life doesn't need to be rearranged to accommodate others whenever they deem fit. I think that having a schedule is a good compromise. I remember an incident a long time ago when a real estate agent showed up late and we were going out to a movie. She was miffed that I said that we couldn't accommodate her because we were leaving. She was not happy. C'est la vie.

Anonymous said...

Fwiw, my sister is a succesful real estate agent. The successful ones do whatever it takes, whenever needed and negotiate everything to make the sale happen so they get paid. The rest are not so successful.

If the agent wants to make the sale, he/she will find a way to show the house that is convenient for all parties including you. If they are the kind if agent who complains a lot and makes excuses that is not your problem, it is the seller's (or person who hired agent) problem. My 0.02.

Good for you for being the important person in your life. Saying no feels good when it brings me peace of mind.


Al-anon again said...

Good post on maturity, I guess that is something we seldom think of.

Anonymous said...

Divorce is so emotional. Today my kids are almost grown, the ex will stop by here and there. There's hardly any emotion between us. So much energy was expended on the divorce and 10 years later, life is completely different. It would have been easier if I could have seen today those years ago when everything was so dark. This too shall pass.

Anonymous said...

You used the term that you thought of yourself first. How grand of an idea.
You also said NO. How wonderful, as I have an awful time saying no.
I am afraid that this is beginning to take a tole on my life. Due to where I live, out of reach of Al-Anon meetings, I have been made to feel that I cannot say no.
Good for you.

Anne said...

F-ing phenomenal.

It is so comforting to stumble across someone with the same shortcomings and thought patterns that I have (and verbalizes them so well)!

This is exactly what I needed, today. Thank you :)

william gilbreth said...

I see that my whole life has been codependent. My relations with others and my save the world politics. I dont know how else to be. I cant surrender my beliefs and purpose..i dont know how....

william gilbreth said...

I see that my whole life has been codependent. My relations with others and my save the world politics. I dont know how else to be. I cant surrender my beliefs and purpose..i dont know how....