Me, Myself and I am Happy (?)

Hope all is well out there.

A startling discovery here on my planet. While I got out and away from the abuses of alcohol, and did do specifically for my daughter's safety, (I want to keep the focus on me and not the alcoholic as we say in Al-Anon) - I have come to realize something . . .

I am - er, uh, . . . . happy. I am/have finding peace. My world is not perfect - but I am finding contentment.

And to tell you the truth - it wasn't that I was searching for it - not for me anyway! And I have to fight the feeling of feeling guilty for getting to happiness and peace.

I have learned to pray to God a lot lately. I pray that I am not deluding myself.

I am just going to throw that out there into the Universe.

Buddha - One of The Greatest Teachings of . . .

There is so much to learn and relearn in life. There are so many great lessons to be learned from some of the world's greatest teachers that I am in awe every day when I read something I have read a hundred times before - and it still makes that powerful connection and forces itself through layers of stuff I have shielding my heart.

Here's one that makes a connection every time I read it. For a little background, I probably fit this mold of "overachiever" and "what I wear makes the man" thing, as well as a dozen other little character defects (dozen? Ha!)

Anyway, back to Buddha . . .

One of Buddha's greatest contributions to mankind is his teaching of; "desire creates suffering."

This confused me when I read it and I immediately discarded it as "rubbish." This is because I am a big believer in getting and getting is done through desire, willpower, and goal-setting.

How I am resolving the conflict I have with this is; It means that we need to accept where we are right now and enjoy what we already have.

This enables me to experience joy right now where I am and with what I have, rather waiting for it or thinking I will get something that will create the joy or happiness I believe I want or need. Or believing that if events or someone will just change, then I will have joy.

This is another one of those "detaching" things I am working on. My defect is the belief of; "If I just get this or achieve that, then I will be happy." This is a psychological shift - that if I get those new pair of shoes, this will create happiness. Except, as we all know, the new shoes we buy, does create a false or fleeting happiness. This is because eventually the new shoes become old shoes (at least they become "not new" about a week or two later).

And we identify with the shoes - briefly for our happiness. And we identify with the "getting" of things and believe if I just get this or that, I will be happy again or some more. So, a week later, I want something else, to give me this happiness or joy - albeit fleeing.

This is the "desire" I believe Buddha was trying to teach.

Life is not about getting. Wow. I cannot believe I wrote that. I am not even sure I can swallow that. Intellectually, I understand it. Emotionally, I am having a difficult time with it. My emotions are wired for getting and achieving.

And, as I write here, in this very moment, I am thinking this; If I don't get, what happens? If I believe life is getting, what if I don't get? Ouch! I get it! (Pun intended - I can never be too serious too long - another defect).

Now, how do I rewire myself? And just accept that . . .

Life is.

Self Talk

What are we saying to ourselves all day long?

Are we replaying old, worn out voices today? Nope. Not me. Not now anyway.

I was in a great mood yesterday. Then, I was driving in my car, and I envisioned a scenario of what might happen. I started playing the event in my mind, and then it drifted into a negative drama unfolding on the screen of my mind. All of a sudden the mood that was so good was gone. I was unhappy!

What happened?

I allowed my thinking to go from great to bad! I allowed it! I caught myself however and I decided to be Happy and eliminate that stinkin' thinking. See if you can catch yourself and the catch the typical events that you are playing in your mind. Try to eliminate them from taking over. Also see if you see the patterns of typical negative thoughts before they become full blown!

My thinking could have clouded what went on to become a great day.

I hope you are having a great day and stop the tapes (or MP3s or CDs) from swirling around and taking over.

PS - Why can't we more often imagine good things happening to us in our minds?

4th of July

This weekend turned out to be a good weekend. It started with several meetings and a walk in a park on July 4th. The walk in the park was a peaceful and serene day with people from the program. We all treaded carefully about certain topics out of respect for one another and fear that perhaps we may cross a boundary. This was strange - in a good way - an unexpected way . . . and frankly, very nice. When we did talk we exposed our frailties and spoke truthfully. There was no judgment, no evaluation - just being who we are.

This walk made this day one of the more special days that I can remember.

It's nice to just be who you are and laugh. It is/was the laughter that makes it things even better - for I love to laugh and love to see others laughing.

That's all for now.

Know What You Want and Keep The Focus on You

Keeping the focus on ourselves is a healthy principle we learn in Al-Anon. When our minds start to drift to the alcoholic and what they are doing or - in fact - anyone else - we start to "lose" control. We begin to worry what others might be doing and what others may be thinking or saying.

We - in essence - get wrapped up in things that don't really matter. By doing this, these forces (people, situations, events, things) become a regulator or like a car's governor (the device that keeps our car from going over a certain speed) on our thinking. We think, "If they are thinking this about me, then I shouldn't this (or can't do this)."

This can begin our "stinkin' thinking." We start "worrying" about what others may think about us or what we do. We then beat ourselves up by not living up to the expectations we think others have for us. We spiral out of control into a cesspool of "stinkin' thinking."

Who gives a crap what others think about us and what we do. This is not selfish, it's reality. We only have our lives to live. We cannot go living our lives by what we think others are thinking about us or what we are afraid of what others think about us. Like I said, "Who gives a crap." I know, this is awful language, - vernacular - but I cannot think of another way to make it more poignant.

So, the question is; WHAT DO YOU WANT?

What do you want?
When you know what you want, and focus on that, information and people come following through to you. So many of us don't know what we want. Or worse, we are afraid to think about what we want - for fear that we will be denied it. And some of us are afraid we will get it!

Psycholigists say that we are after the feeling of feeling good. We all want to feel good. And what is it that would make you feel good?

Keep the focus on you and what you want, not what you think others think will be good for you. They don't know. They don't even know how to manage their own lives. How in the world can they know what is good for you??

Start with; What do you want? What would make you feel good? What makes you feel good? What gives you enjoyment?

Start here.

And remember, don't allow others to hand you their opinions of you. You are the boss of your own life. Start here. Take control here. Don't give your power away to someone else by thinking what they may think about you. In the end, it doesn't really matter. So, live your life, starting today!

Go to that meeting. Call the friend in the program who won't give you advice, but will be there as a sounding board. Sometimes all we need is a person who will listen to us and help us hear our deepist desires and wants. Call the person you are afraid of calling for good hard listening.

I will post another note later. I had a very peaceful 4th of July. It turned out better than I could have imagined. I hope you did too.

Thanks! Joe

Nancy - The Cartoon, My Sponsor and The Bible

Nancy - The Cartoon, My Sponsor and The Bible - For Al-Anon?

"With all thy getting, get understanding." A quote from the Bible for Al-Anon? And a Nancy cartoon?

Strange?

Perhaps . . . But what if "understanding" means our Divine right to live out our time on this little planet, being happy?

I was about to do something stupid, and fortunately, I called my sponsor. I knew in my heart it was stupid, but I still had to talk to my sponsor. My sponsor allows me to say stupid things out loud so I can hear how stupid they are. I often answer my own question when I talk to my sponsor. I wind up hearing myself say something I learned in Al-Anon, after I tell my sponsor what I am thinking about doing or saying. I say, "I am forcing a solution aren't I?" Or I say, "It sounds like I am trying to manipulate - jeez . . . "

The other day my sponsor said to me, after I said I was about to "engage" my qualifier by just talking to her . . . he said, "It depends what you want. Do want to end up in an engagement (war of words) or are you after peace and serenity?"

I am after peace and serenity of course. I was the most positive person on the planet up until about six months ago. I would always find the bright side of everything. But, maybe this is not true, as I reflect back on this statement. I believe God maybe sending me back through the obstacle course to have me learn something again or to become better.

I am a firm believer that if we decide to be happy, happiness eventually catches up with us. But we have to decide we want to be happy, and then do everything in our power to JUST BE happy.

Here is a great cartoon I saw - actually someone gave me - Sunday.

It is a strong message. I hope it helps you this week.

PEACE and HAPPINESS