Sunday, July 6, 2008

Know What You Want and Keep The Focus on You

Keeping the focus on ourselves is a healthy principle we learn in Al-Anon. When our minds start to drift to the alcoholic and what they are doing or - in fact - anyone else - we start to "lose" control. We begin to worry what others might be doing and what others may be thinking or saying.

We - in essence - get wrapped up in things that don't really matter. By doing this, these forces (people, situations, events, things) become a regulator or like a car's governor (the device that keeps our car from going over a certain speed) on our thinking. We think, "If they are thinking this about me, then I shouldn't this (or can't do this)."

This can begin our "stinkin' thinking." We start "worrying" about what others may think about us or what we do. We then beat ourselves up by not living up to the expectations we think others have for us. We spiral out of control into a cesspool of "stinkin' thinking."

Who gives a crap what others think about us and what we do. This is not selfish, it's reality. We only have our lives to live. We cannot go living our lives by what we think others are thinking about us or what we are afraid of what others think about us. Like I said, "Who gives a crap." I know, this is awful language, - vernacular - but I cannot think of another way to make it more poignant.

So, the question is; WHAT DO YOU WANT?

What do you want?
When you know what you want, and focus on that, information and people come following through to you. So many of us don't know what we want. Or worse, we are afraid to think about what we want - for fear that we will be denied it. And some of us are afraid we will get it!

Psycholigists say that we are after the feeling of feeling good. We all want to feel good. And what is it that would make you feel good?

Keep the focus on you and what you want, not what you think others think will be good for you. They don't know. They don't even know how to manage their own lives. How in the world can they know what is good for you??

Start with; What do you want? What would make you feel good? What makes you feel good? What gives you enjoyment?

Start here.

And remember, don't allow others to hand you their opinions of you. You are the boss of your own life. Start here. Take control here. Don't give your power away to someone else by thinking what they may think about you. In the end, it doesn't really matter. So, live your life, starting today!

Go to that meeting. Call the friend in the program who won't give you advice, but will be there as a sounding board. Sometimes all we need is a person who will listen to us and help us hear our deepist desires and wants. Call the person you are afraid of calling for good hard listening.

I will post another note later. I had a very peaceful 4th of July. It turned out better than I could have imagined. I hope you did too.

Thanks! Joe


Anonymous said...

Hmmm...what makes me feel good? I am sure I used to know the answer to that, but I have been so busy just trying to work, take care of everyone, and run the household the last few years that I really don't know the answer to that question anymore.

(10 minutes of thinking)

I was on vacation the last few days and we were kayaking and hiking. I remember I like being in out nature. I had not done those things for a long time and they made me feel good. I like live music: jazz, blues and folk sort of stuff. I like the sound of the ocean breaking. I like ice cream. I like peace and quiet sometimes. Okay this is getting easier. I need to go write all of this down and tape it on my bathroom mirror where I will see it every day.


FrannyGlass said...

What a great posting! Thanks, Joe. Glad you had a peaceful 4th.

Anonymous said...

Yo Joe, great message here. Wife and I are currently in divorce proceedings, she is in Rehab and remains in deep, deep denial. She describes me as the root of all evil to her lawyer but I can't worry about all of the crap she spews. I just have to be me. Hopefully, those that matter will see through a clear window when they talk to me. If not, let them stay in the fog with her.

Anonymous said...

Good Morning All,

Ya know, this made me think a bit this morning.....

For so long, I had lost what made me feel good, not necessarily the "big" things, but the "little" things, the "simple" things....

The last time I had visited the Woodland Park Zoo was way back as a kid, probably 7-8 years old. A week prior, I would have laughed at the fact that I would be back there, so many years later, as it wouldn't have even been on my radar screen.

Anyway, I can tell you that simply holding someone's hand, seeing God's creativity in the animals, the warm sun, kids with smiles on thier faces, the laughing, it put me in a state of contentment, peace, and serenity.

What "huge" rewards, from the "simple" things, the "little" things.

I am so glad I had that opportunity. I am a blessed man indeed.

Peace this Monday.


Syd said...

What I want is the serenity and peaceful feeling that I'm grasping more and more lately. It's a nice feeling. And it comes from keeping the focus on me and not what the other person wants.