Friday, March 7, 2008

The Law of Attraction & Al-Anon & AA

The Law of Attraction; How it applies to Al-Anon, Alcoholics, Addicts, codependents.

What if, we attracted into our lives, everything that we are experiencing in our lives right now? This may be, my most important blog post of all time. I hope I am able to convey my thoughts to you through this post.

The Law of Cause and Effect
There is in science, a law called; The Law of Cause and Effect also known as the Law of Causality. Most religions talk about this law. In the Christian religion, it is called many things, one of which you may recognize as the principle of Sowing and Reaping; "Whatever ye shall sow, so shall ye reap." (I am writing from memory, but that is it in essence).

What if our beliefs, the beliefs we picked up from early childhood, are working against us? What do I mean? What if you picked up a belief, through listening to your parents or a teacher in school, (or your religion, or whatever) that became so deeply seated and rooted in us, that we came to believe that this is a "normal way of thinking or behaving?" And, because of this fact, we never questioned it's validity? What if we don't even know we picked up the belief, because it is so deeply rooted in us, that it is on "automatic pilot" for us and is operating without us even being aware of it at the subconscious level?

My Discovery; One Thought and Quote That Turned My Life Around
On my discovery of self, and when I decided to change my world, I found this phrase. It turned my life around. By now, you've heard it a thousand times;

"You become what you think about."

This has been talked about through ALL religions. Buddha talked about it. It is in the Christian religion. It has been talked about by Aristotle, by Epictetus, by Ralph Waldo Emerson, and many others.

What if, you picked up "unworkable" beliefs? What if, you picked up "untrue beliefs" that you thought were true, but aren't?

I was able to successfully, turn my life around, and go from poverty to being some what, pretty successful, with this one idea. Now, I am not Donald Trump, by any means. But I am, and have been pretty fortunate.

I turned my work life, my financial life, around. I reprogrammed my thinking by reading every day and listening to audios when I jog, or drive. So, I worked on changing my thinking. I undid past programming. I reprogrammed in, new thinking and beliefs.

Where Did I Mess-Up?
Because I was poor as a child, I was determined to not be poor. But I had poor thoughts, not supporting me in my goal and aim to get out of poverty. These thought were holding me back. I thoughts that all business people were liars, and cheats. I thought, for anyone to become a success, they had to be a fake. I learned that these were the very thoughts that were holding me back - in business and my financial affairs.

While I turned my life around in business, I neglected reprogramming my mind around my personal "codependent upbringing." I never even heard of the word, "codependent" until a few months ago. If I did hear of the term, it never did register with me.

Al-Anon and How We Get Here
Now, at every Al-Anon meeting I attend, I see women and men, who were brought up in an alcoholic home, or a codependent home, and almost every one of us, married an alcoholic or an addict of some type.

You would think, we would have known better! We saw it and we said, "We are never going to live like this again." And sure enough, we did. We attracted and married, what was familiar to us. Someone we said we would not repeat. Unbelievable when you think about it. Are we nuts? Are we crazy? In one sense, maybe.

The Disease - A Family Disease
The reason for this is, I believe, is the cycle of the disease. Is it so strong, that we actually attract people? That we, as codependents, HAVE to find someone we HAVE to take care of? At

Al-Anon, men and women alike talk about this phenomenon openly. The senior members talk about how they can attract the wrong person across a crowded room. Some men have divorced their first wife, only to remarry to another alcoholic. And there are some men, that divorce the the second time, to remarry, someone who isn't an alcoholic, but a person who needs someone to be taken care (the men learned the second time to check to see if they drank, but didn't check their heads).

What unworkable belief do we have to shed to get rid of this? I am not sure. But it starts with being aware of this Law of Attraction. It starts with understanding this Law of Causality or Law of Cause and Effect. It is also know as "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy."

If You Still Don't Believe It
The Law of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy is my favorite law or phenomenon. Allow me to give you an example that you will probably relate to:

  • How many times have you learned the definition of a word you've never heard before, and then all of a sudden you see the word or hear the word that same day, several times?
  • Or, when you were looking at buying a car, and all of a sudden you buy it, and you see the same exact car all over town?
We all have had the experience. Was the word never there before?

Or was the word there, but we didn't recognize it?

My Final Thought
How do we stop this cycle of addiction and attraction? What about our children? What are they see and hearing from us that they too, will pick up the traits of us, as the mother or father? How do we stop passing down these behaviors of codependence or alcoholism to children?

The argument may be made that alcoholism is hereditary. I am not so sure. I admit, there are strong pieces of evidence that this may be true.

But what about codependence? There is no correlation of a codependent gene or broken synaptic nerves in the brain.

Can We Break This Cycle?
Yes. I believe so. And I think it starts with us. By recognizing that we have old, deep seated beliefs in us, that aren't working and aren't helpful. And because they are programmed into our subconscious, they operate on auto-pilot. We react the same way. We do the same thing. We like the same people. And so on.

So, the first step is recognizing the pattern. Second step is reprogramming ourselves. Buy the books (Al-Anon, or other self help books on codependency or self help). Attend AA and Al-Anon, you will be absolutely impressed when you go in to these meetings now with this recognition. Then get a sponsor. My sponsor saved me several times over the past two months from repeating old behaviors that didn't work and helping me see this fact and helping me reprogram my self. This was something I did not believe ANYONE could help me with. Another is see a therapist who deals in alcohol abuse and knows Al-Anon.

A great book I have mentioned over and over is this book Beyond Positive Thinking, by Robert Anthony. He devotes the first three chapters explaining this and the remaining chapters on how to break it or reprogram yourself. He also talks about a Higher Self (aka Higher Power) and tapping into this source for help and guidance.

This is, my most important post.

My best for you today and the rest of your lives.


FrannyGlass said...

This is why I voted for longer posts! Thanks for this. I'm ordering the book today.

Anonymous said...

I was going through some boxes in my garage the other day, and came across a book given to me years ago. Actually is a Childrens book, and just sat on the concrete floor and began to read, and focus on the story and the pictures.

The title of the book is "The Giving Tree"

For those wishing to review the book online, or purchase the book, you will understand that I have found myself playing the role of the "Tree" for way too many years.

I feel at times all that remains of a once beautiful tree, is a stump. It depresses me, and I then force myself into a place of new beginning, and focus on a new thinking process, and way of life.

The "Attraction" process is changing along with it.

I believe my higher power will direct me to a life he knows is good for me, and protect me from those that willingly have little to offer, and base love and relationship around taking, and seeking protection regardless of lifestyle.

I have planted a new tree (me), and with my never ending work, it will grow to be tall, strong, and healthy, one day at a time......

Peace This Friday.


Anonymous said...

I have been reading this blog everyday for the past 3 weeks. I have read and read some of your messages.

This blog today is by far the most eye popping one I have read.

At first I denied it. And I resented it a little bit. But I thought about it a little longer and I believe I am the product of my parent's thoughts.

More important is I didn't think about it from the point of view that the things that ARE NOT working are the things I may have been programmed to perform just by watching my parents. This is so obvious. I have thought about it before. But today, it all hit me like a ton of bricks.


A.J. said...

Hi Joe, This is GREAT! I am also reading a book on the law of attraction. Do you remember when I sent you a quote months ago? It was something about attracting your experience and your vibrations matching theirs-- I will look to see if I can find it. I think there is A LOT to this! My perfect example of this is--when someone asked what I was looking for in a ,relationship, my answer would be, "well, I don't know what I"m looking for, but I can tell you what I don't want". Well, wouldn't you know it, I attracted exactly that, what I didn't want! With my carreer, I attracted exactly what I had in my mind that I wanted.

When I started reading the book "Ask and it is Given" I thought, wow, this stuff if kind of "out there", but the more I read, I wanted to argue against it--I couldn't. It had played out in my life proving it's truth. CRAZY! So, I think you're onto something here. I'll be curious to hear further thoughts on this subject. I know it's given me hope! The book I've read is from
I don't take everything they say, just want I want to take from it. There are some really good teachings here too. I was just writing about me "new" vision on my Higher Power on my blog spot. That vision has changed since reading this book.

A.J. said...

This is from my post on Detachment.

"These beings, that are acting out in those ways that you find so awful, are tormented and suffering in ways that you will not understand. Their horrible acts are extensions of that pain. We also have to say to you -- no one who is not a vibrational match to that could be their victim."--- Abraham

This quote was worth saving for me. I take that as--because I was so codependent--I was attracted to my qualifier. Had I not had the codependency issues I wasn't even aware of--from the way I was raised, I would've never given him the time of day. I would've seen how unhealthy he was. But,I was sick myself, therefore, my vibrational match allowed me to think I could help him. I remember when I put this quote in your comments, you questioned it. I should've responded then, but I was afraid I had overstepped my bounds, or I would offend you. I hope this helps. I am in no way saying you deserve what you're going through--because that would be saying I deserved what I went through. That's not it at all, but I think by recognizing these things, we can prevent the pattern from continuing.

So, by changing OUR vibrations (ie. getting OUR LIVES and OUR HEADS together) the unhealthy ways will have no power or us. That's my motivation. :-) God Bless

Kevin B, I"m going to look for that book next.

Syd said...

It's important to understand the old behaviors that helped when we dealt with alcoholism. Those behaviors are what kept us co-dependent. I am learning to get rid of those behaviors through the Al-Anon program. Those old behaviors haven't helped me very much.

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