Thursday, October 30, 2008

What Was I Worried About

Well, following up, I went to dinner with the President and the people in the office. Actually, everyone had a really good time (me too).

While I didn't drink, three others didn't either. I wasn't counting - but I do recall this as I scan from memory around the table.

Today I am making a change - when you rent a house and the house is for sale - the house can be sold!

Well, I am moving. Moving is stressful. Divorce is stressful. Raising a child is stressful. Work is stressful. Or is it?

I need to make a mind shift. Whenever I get into this state, somewhere along the way I am able to shift my thinking.

Actually, all the above is - life. And many of the things are change and the change is always for the better. Each time - and I really mean this - I think God has forgotten about me and has heaped something else on my plate - is has - I believe - always been for the good.

I have found that each and every time something huge has come along - it always worked out for the better. Now with a program I can use the tools. I am using Step 1, 2 and 3 - on everyone of these. And I am remembering - "It will either work out or . . . . it will work out."

At Al-Anon on Tuesday I shared my plight at a meeting after I blogged. There wasn't a discussion leader and I was asked as I was walking into the meeting if I wanted to lead the discussion. Being a good helper I said "Yes, of course."

I was given the book "How Al-Anon Works" and I believe it is chapter 11 that discusses detachment and - I remember the word/term "becoming enmeshed" or "enmeshment." That is what I am feeling and sensing myself doing. I become wrapped up in work - and I see myself and work as one, the same. I am work. I am a person too who becomes wrapped up into someone else liking me. Even though I deny it.

I must work on detachment more. I thought I had this one - but obviously I don't.

11 comments:

Heather Kincaid said...

Your insight and honesty help me every time I read your blog.
Thank you

Cat said...

Change your mind and change your life!

hang in there.

( Oh and Change is good!)

Cat

Anonymous said...

It is amazing that everytime I have been faced with "change" this past year, it has only made me stronger, wiser, and more comfortable in my own skin.

The more I held on, the tighter my chest became.

It is wonderful to just breath again!

Peace this Thursday.

KevinB

5969 said...

I moved after 13 years in NYC to a small town in Colorado this past May. It has been the hardest change I've undergone in my 39 years. I'm not sure how long I will stay, but the things that I've learned about myself are invaluable-and painful.
And Alanon meetings have helped a lot.
best to you
c

Laurie said...

A friend sent this to me awhile back. I keep it on an index card at my desk as a daily reminder...

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Blessings,
Laurie

FrannyGlass said...

I read this on a coffee mug yesterday.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was coming to an end, he became a butterfly.

Thanks for the reminder about getting enmeshed. We're doing layoffs at work today. I needed to hear that.

Syd said...

Detachment is an ongoing process for me. It and expectations are issues that I deal with. But there will always be some issues. It's awareness of those that is helping.

mermaidgirl said...

Joe-the fear of becoming enmeshed at work is something I always need work on. This week I was told by a neurologist I work with that I was condescending through someone on her staff. She couldn't pull any examples. I stewed over this for 4 days...I completely understand enmeshment. When I finally opened up to two of my partners about the situation, one of them totally understood and said I was entitled to feel that way. Go figure! We are entitled to feel this way!

I have to remember daily that God is in my life and is the only thing that grants me the ability to stay in the moment. I feel like you in some ways-knowing you are changing, but still wanting to be so much further ahead. Just hang in there-you will get there and so will I.

Anonymous said...

Joe,

Thanks for sharing. We've all been there and continue to walk the fine line between attachment and detachment. It's a daily process of awareness and choices. Have a wonderful Halloween!!! Good luck with the move. Amy

6 Years Out said...

It is interesting that sometimes not drinking gives other people "permission" not to drink as well. The irony is that I am not a big drinker and also wasn't when I met my alcoholic boyfriend. Go figure.

Sometimes people ask me why I don't drink and I have to go into this lengthy explanation about how it makes me feel like crap. Which it does. The window of enjoyment is very brief, and hangover-like symptoms start almost immediately: headache, stomach upset, moodiness.

If I had to give a short explanation, it would probably be "I have developed an allergy to alcohol." This is true in more than one sense. Seeing the damage it does in so many lives, I have an oversensitivity to it on an emotional level as well. It pains me to watch people become less intelligent, less interesting versions of themselves as they drink.

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