Friday, March 13, 2009

What Am I Going To Do Differently?

OK. Meeting at noon. Someone says, "The question is; What am I going to do differently?"

Got it. Heard it. Went in one ear and out the other. The topic was fear. Got that too.

So, left meeting. Called spouse. Soon to be ex. Wanted to ask her a question. Reality: Wanted her to tell me what she wanted. I am tired of guessing. Want marriage over. Ended. Finis.

Couldn't get her on the phone. God works in strange ways, I told myself. I've tried calling before; she won't answer. In the past, I would keep on calling until I got her.

Except - I decided to call my sponsor. Did I mention I suck as a sponsoree? Haven't spoken to my sponsor in - well let's be honest - 2 weeks? No. He'd say "3 or 4." Maybe he'd add to the sentence "Asshole." He'd say it in jest of course, but he probably wouldn't say it at all, for that is sarcastic and manipulative and he is working his program pretty hard.

One meeting yesterday was not enough. Went to another last night. Saw same said sponsor. We talked after the meeting. Actually four of us guys did. We talked about food. We talked about our waste line. Are you kidding me? Nope. Talked about weight too.

But, in the call to my sponsor yesterday after I could not get hold of said spouse, he asked, "What are you going to do differently?"

In the meeting last night, someone said; "What am I going to do differently?"

Now that I have a program and I have the tools of Al-Anon, "What am I going to do differently?"

Here is a list so far that I wrote this morning;

  1. Use my God Box. I placed in there; Let everything work out for my divorce for the good of my wife, my child and me. I said to myself, "Why did I place myself last in that sentence?" Proper grammar? Or something deeper? Probably grammar. But I am wondering.
  2. Set boundaries. No longer am I going to be the nice guy and allow people to "get away" with things that are rightly mine, owed to me, or allow people to treat me with disrespect.
  3. I am going to continue to not engage and be pleasant with said spouse.
  4. I will follow attorney's advice
  5. I will state clearly what I want and avoid avoiding head-on discussions about what I want
  6. I will call my sponsor 2 times if not more a week. I really have got to set the time up to do this.
  7. I will look for more happiness. I am happy about 80 to 95% of the time. Yes - this is true. I am just worried about what might be.

5 comments:

Syd said...

Good things to do differently. It boils down to keeping the focus on myself for me. I need to do that differently.

Rosalia said...

I love the question. If I could break the answers down as succinctly as you, I think unbearable tasks just might seem manageable. Thanks for your post.

Steven said...

Joe - I have just discovered your blog and have spent the last 6 hours reading thru' it. My life story is uncannily like yours.

Always remember that your Higher Power is by your side so you can "Let Go And Let God".

Cat said...

Its sorta like one day at a time - only by breaking down one thing at a time its more managable - I like it!

Anonymous said...

You say "I am happy about 80 to 95% of the time."

Well, if that's the case, I don't think you necessarily have to "look for more happiness", I think it'd be great if you could just reflect it more. I would definitely like to hear more about this 80-95, how you got there, and how it manifests in your life on daily basis! Do share!

Camille