Friday, March 6, 2009

Going to Trial

Well, yesterday we crossed the threshold. We are going to trial. It appears there is no turning back. Unfortunately the evidence I am introducing will probably have a negative effect on any future co-parenting and will probably place child custody or child time with my wife in jeopardy. In addition, I have all these checks that my spouse wrote to herself and turned around about bought stocks with. I have this evidence - that one day - just popped up.

It is strange this world of alcoholism. It is like curse and a gift. It has cursed me when I am in my own head. When I relax and let go - and get out side my head - there is this thing - that I cannot explain or put into words - that happens. I "find" things. Or things "find me."

Synchronicity may be a word. Or serendipity. Maybe not. But it's like, what I need is there. It does not happen when I want it. But like - it occurs a couple of days later or even weeks later. I just have to remember what it is I am needing and it appears.

I know. It sounds weird. But these checks -all of a sudden were there. This happened about a year ago. Checks that were 8 or 9 or 10 years old - were in a drawer in my old house. I am watching the Super Bowl and this "force" tells me to look in the drawer next to me in the table. I was too busy I told myself - I had to watch this football game. (I was alone, depressed, victimized, a little of Al-Anon kicking and breathing). But the voice said - "Look!! Go in that draw and open it and look!!"

I did. And there they were.

This happened again and . . . again.

I cannot force things. I cannot control things. I must just relax and let everything unfold.

Syd's comment was - well - accurate (I used to say "Right" but that got into a Right versus Wrong thing that I don't like anymore.)

Manipulation can be subtle or RIGHT OUT THERE.

I am going to trial. We cross the point of no return - today or early next week. So it is written.


Syd said...

Joe, at least this will be behind you. There is an end in sight. Go through it with dignity. That may be hard but I believe that it's doable. Hang in there my friend.

Cat said...

I think doing what needs to be done to take care of you is the only choice you have - therefore the best one.

I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you, Joe.
Cyprus Sue

Anonymous said...

First, I'd like to thank you for posting this blog. I just stumbled across it a few weeks ago and it has been a Godsend.
I believe that voice you hear and those things appearing are just divine order. You are letting go of the negative things holding you back in life and opening yourself up to the good you deserve. "Give and it shall be given to you" Thanks so much for Giving.

Anonymous said...

Life is not a sprint, it is a marathon. Here comes heartbreak hill.

Hang tough Joe. Pace yourself, breathe, and pee before you go.