Going to Trial

Well, yesterday we crossed the threshold. We are going to trial. It appears there is no turning back. Unfortunately the evidence I am introducing will probably have a negative effect on any future co-parenting and will probably place child custody or child time with my wife in jeopardy. In addition, I have all these checks that my spouse wrote to herself and turned around about bought stocks with. I have this evidence - that one day - just popped up.

It is strange this world of alcoholism. It is like curse and a gift. It has cursed me when I am in my own head. When I relax and let go - and get out side my head - there is this thing - that I cannot explain or put into words - that happens. I "find" things. Or things "find me."

Synchronicity may be a word. Or serendipity. Maybe not. But it's like, what I need is there. It does not happen when I want it. But like - it occurs a couple of days later or even weeks later. I just have to remember what it is I am needing and it appears.

I know. It sounds weird. But these checks -all of a sudden were there. This happened about a year ago. Checks that were 8 or 9 or 10 years old - were in a drawer in my old house. I am watching the Super Bowl and this "force" tells me to look in the drawer next to me in the table. I was too busy I told myself - I had to watch this football game. (I was alone, depressed, victimized, a little of Al-Anon kicking and breathing). But the voice said - "Look!! Go in that draw and open it and look!!"

I did. And there they were.

This happened again and . . . again.

I cannot force things. I cannot control things. I must just relax and let everything unfold.

Syd's comment was - well - accurate (I used to say "Right" but that got into a Right versus Wrong thing that I don't like anymore.)

Manipulation can be subtle or RIGHT OUT THERE.

I am going to trial. We cross the point of no return - today or early next week. So it is written.