Big Problems?

Al-Anon has given me a strength, that at one time I would have argued was a weakness. In fact, Al-Anon has given me several strengths, that at one time I would argued were weaknesses.

I want to cover one of these strengths. The strength is knowing that I need a Higher Power or God. That I cannot go through life alone and solve my big problems.

I left God years ago. It wasn't until about three months ago that I realized I was wrong.

How did I realize that I was wrong? In my heart I already knew but it happened solidly one day when . . . My qualifier's alcohol councillor advised me to read and study Step 1. He said, "Read Step 1. Study it. When you are done, study it some more."

I thought he was an idiot. I am dying here, I thought in my best George Kastanza immitation, and he wants me to study Step 1?! Are you friggin' kidding me???

So, against all logic I did. I didn't at first. I avoided it. Then I did and I went and read Step 1 over and over -from the book - "The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions," a very dry book (you cannot convince me otherwise, but check in with me six months from now, for I may be eating these words. I have eaten a lot of words. I am now using ketchup and pepper to help the taste of eating humble pie).

I also read Step 1 passages from the "Courage to Change" and "Hope for Today" by looking in the index in the back of these books. I knew I needed something. Anything. Just help me. Help me now.

Then someone said, on this blog, in a comment, "God doesn't give me (us) problems that are we cannot get through." I think I would add, "eventually." And in his timeframe.

Knowing this does provide hope. And provide courage, at least to me. I know several of you, are going through very tough times. There is nothing more lonely than living with an alcoholic or dealing with one who is a child (or any family member facing an addiction).

I started from attending one Al-Anon meeting a week to five and 1o a week. This little thing gave me a lot of serenity. For only in these rooms, do the people who are there, really understand what we are going through and dealing with.

Also, I know in the middle of the night, when I think I am truly alone, God is there too.

I hope this helps you today.

PS - I am still reading Step 1, so I can "give up" control and know that I cannot manage the things that I have no control over.

PPS - "Wisdom to Know the Difference" . . . a line from the Serenity Prayer . . . and knowing we are all human and connected.