On-line Weekend Al-Anon Meeting on; Fear of Losing Something
If you have found this website you are invited to join us in a weekend long, Al-Anon Meeting.
The on-line meeting starts Friday evening 4/04/08 and runs to Sunday 4/06/08 evening.
Note: To view this post and the comments at the same time, click on the link here (click here) in order to get a better view of the original blog post and the comments.
Recently I came across a meeting that spoke of Fear. It was from a recent Men's Meeting. I want to read this passage from "Hope for Today," April 13.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before I came into Al-Anon, my attitudes were based on fear. I cast all my doubts and feelings of unworthiness onto other people. I set myself up as a victim. I always acted upon my anxiety, and I was forever reacting. Most times my reactions came in the form of blaming, running, or freezing. When I blamed others, I didn't have to feel my deep sense of shame. I ran because facing my fear and hurt seemed too difficult. I froze because frozen hearts cannot feel pain.
Al-Anon gave me a fresh way to view my life. I no longer choose to be a victim. Now I choose how I act, how I think, and how I feel about any situation that arise. I can choose fear, or I can choose love. Fear keeps me shut off and unhealed. Love opens me up and heals me. Today I choose love.
Choosing love means I stay away from physically, emotionally, or spiritually unhealthy situations. I no longer accept unacceptable situations. I no longer accept unacceptable behavior. I love myself enough to walk away from hurtful people and relationships. I look at my part in situations, own mistakes, and change my behavior. Choosing love means I accept and embrace my humanity and that of others. Then, with my Higher Power's help, I can see the defects and weaknesses with compassion, which brings me release, joy, and serenity.
Thought for Today
If I look for fear, I'll find fear. If I look for love, I'll find love. Which one do I choose to seek today?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the Men's Meeting I referred to above, one of the men pointed out that Fear can be fear of getting what I want or fear of losing what I have. Two, opposite and opposing thoughts.
Another man said, "I can't be afraid of losing something I wasn't supposed to have."
I notice when I act out of fear rather than love, I am out of balance with people. Fear is negative. Love is positive. The definition of "love" that I am using doesn't mean the love we know from romance. I am using "love" in the sense of compassion and caring, giving and knowing that when you give, you have an infinite supply, not a limited supply.
Fear causes us to react. And usually in a negative way.
So, this weekend's on-line meeting is about fear, and how perhaps, we can all benefit from changing our fear-based reactions to love-based compassionate acts.
Friday, April 4, 2008
On-lIne Al-Anon Meeting Topic: Fear of Losing Something
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62 comments:
I've thought a lot about how much fear drives me. For me, it's fear of loss, even though sometimes I'd lose something painful or unhealthy. It's also fear of being alone. My fear comes out of a deep desire for security and it runs up again the alcoholic's inability to provide me with any security, or to constantly unsettle what security I manage to have. This posting reminds me how easy it easy for me to settle into a reactive mode, where I"m living in fear, and it has prompted me to think of love as an alternative stance (replacing the idea of security/safety as at the opposite end from fear). thanks
The opposite of fear is love. I love myself and my husband enough to refuse to go along with him when he is under the influence. I use to fearfully try to act as if everything was okay even though I knew he was under the influence. I would go out to dinner with him, be around him and his friends and meekly just go along. I have learned to choose to tell him I will no longer go along. This means that I have had to detach enough to be content to stay home alone at times and/or let him be unhappy about it enough to go or stay home too. But I am setting a boundary that is good for me because it is a healthy boundary that comes from what I believe is good for me - not out of a desire to control him or make him change. It is a decision out of love for myself and for him rather than out of fear of being blamed and condemned or out of a desire to keep a perfect (perfectly false) face on our relationship. Sadly, the result is that we are, for the most part, emotionally divorced. To me this means that he has chosen alcohol over an emotionally healthy life/marriage - that's how powerful the disease is! But now he is at least living with the consequence of his choices and I am at peace with who I am and my choices.
Kath
Dear Desperate
(Posted on the bog titled On-line Weekend Al-Anon Meeting on; Step 1:Powerless ..."
http://alanondiary.blogspot.com/2008/03/on-line-weekend-al-anon-meeting-on-step.html: (March 14)
My question to you is; Are you sitting home waiting for him? Or are you out over the neighbors or going to the movies with your kids? Are you sitting worrying for him to come home? Or could you be going about a normal life and not worrying?
When you worry, you only make yourself miserable. And you don't get him home faster.
If you can make plans like going over your parents or his parents when he is out that may help too. It may help you get support from others close to you.
Have you considered talking to the neighbors and asking them to watch the kids in case he come home drunk.
Have you considered telling him he needs to go to rehab? or AA? Or else . . .? (I am not sure what or else is or could be for you, but you cannot threaten him and not follow thru.
Also - a church may be willing to help, almost every church has a support group.
Obviously Al-Anon literature is great. The book How Al-Anon Works is the best one for beginners in my estimation. It explains Alcoholism and what you should be doing and not doing. As you go to Al-Anon Hope for Today and Courage to Change are my favorites
Don't do this:
1. Beg
2. Plead
3. Engage (argue when he is drunk)
4. Threaten without backing it up
5. Don't try to strangle him. You could hurt your wrists
6. Don't take out your bad mood on the children (this is a VERRRRRY EASY thing to do! And this is not aimed at you - but we are all human and make mistakes)
7. If he falls - don't pick him up.
8. If he needs a ride to somewhere, don't. Let him feel the pain.
Do:
1. Have a back up plan if he gets another DUI. 5 years of jail, you will need an income and plan for the house and living
2. Get out and get support from friends and family
3. Learn about Alcolholism. What you normally would do for people who are sick, you SHOULD NOT do here for the alcoholic.
4. HALT - Hunger is your enemy as is ANGER; Lonely (you need friends and this disease tends to isolate us because we are embarrassed and don't want to burden others); Tired - get SLEEP
5. Be honest with your children. If they ask about dad, tell them the truth; he has a terrible disaese and the disease wants him to drink more. It is NOT dad, but the disease that is affecting him (and you).
Hope ths helps
Joe
found this posted; It is quite funny.
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "How To Use This Blog":
With respect, Would a non-codependent tell someone how to use a blog?
I love that!
Did I say I wasn't co-dependent?!
Thanks
Joe
To read it directly - here is the link
http://alanondiary.blogspot.com/2008/02/how-to-use-this-blog.html
That is funny.
This is a great topic. Once when I was little my dad and I were going someplace and there was a dog barking and snarling and acting nuts and he explained to me that it was doing that because it was afraid. "That's how animals are."
Of course, I'm an animal, too (arf) and when I'm stressed I often lash out. That behavior is the "irritable and unreasonable" that they mention in the AlAnon meeting preamble. (I'm tempted here to compare my behavior with that of my alcoholic, but his fears are really his own business.)
Anyway, if I try to list my fears, it's a pretty long list. A catalog, really, but I can definitely relate to Kath's "fearfully acting as if everything was ok." For me, acknowledging that things were not ok meant facing the overwhelming mess.
I read this post yesterday morning. It must not have made a big impression on me at the time because I didn't remember any of it until I reread it this morning. I had been concentrating on another issue that actually lead me to realize that I am very afraid of losing something, just since yesterday.
I recently discovered that I probably can't make a lot of progress through Al-Anon until I deal with some childhood issues. While doing that, I started wondering why I tolerate (staying with) an alcoholic husband who verbally abuses and emotionally batters me nearly every day for 18 years. And I don't even have children with him.
I think it is fear of losing something, perhaps companionship, no matter how bad it is sometimes.
Thanks for the post Joe, and to all the responders for their insightful comments. This came just in time. I'll need to reread this frequently as I face this fear.
I don't think the issue for me is as much fear as really solid abandonment issues. I was abandoned constantly as a child. I learned to abandon myself in many ways in order to "survive". Now the abandonment which of course could not be acknowledged as a child is present all the time. I fear relationships because I fear abandonment. I learned to abandon myself in a relationship of any sort and that's what I do compulsively.
Maresie.
I've always heard that fear is False Evidence Appears Real. What helped me is to realize that what happened in my childhood to generate the fears of abandonment and rejection, don't have to be repeated today. If I can let go of the past and not have it rule me, then I can begin to quiet my being when the fear begins to come in. If I stay focused in the present then I am less likely to repeat the problems of the past. Good topic!
I think most of the decisions in my life have been motivated by fear. Even the small, seemingly insignificant ones. From my childhood I learned to keep the peace, so that Dad wouldn't yell when he came home drunk. I was fearful as a child of his anger, his wrath, and losing my peace. I learned my lesson well.
Fear of losing something, anything was my stance. I began to call this "being behind the eight ball" - my position was compromised right out of the gate because my motivation was fear.
I have a considerable amount of difficulty recognizing this line of thinking sometimes. But, when I slow down, and think before I talk instead of blurting out the first thing that pops into my head, sometimes I can see what that fear is.
Thank you for the post Joe.
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