You Are Perfect

In Al-Anon one of the messages is to focus on yourself. Another message is be kind and compassionate to yourself.

I have stated several places in this blog that who we are is perfect. You may be saying to yourself, "No I am not! Look what you did this morning. Look what you said yesterday. Remember that nasty little thought you had, what about that?"

These messages play in our heads all the time. These messages play in a lot of peoples' heads, not just Al-Anon members. These are negative messages that derail us and make us feel inferior or inadequate. We need to STOP them. We need to eliminate this habit of thinking negatively about ourselves. We have been programmed to think that this is okay to think this way. We've done this type of thinking for so long that is natural for us to beat ourselves up.

So stick with this: you are perfect. Still feel this is impossible? Okay, well listen up.

What you DO may not be perfect. Separate who you are from what you do. You are not your project at work. So if your project bombed, it's not you who bombed. If your day yesterday was crappy, the day is not you. Maybe your relationship sucks. You are not necessarily the relationship. There is no rule out there that says your relationship is you and you were meant to make this work.

Sometimes we are stuck in this thinking because we leave our inside voices and get into the heads of others and start playing what they may be thinking of us.

Read that one again!

Sometimes we are stuck in this thinking because we leave our inside voices and get into the heads of others and start playing what they may be thinking of us.

How in the world are we going across the room or across the city or state or country and putting ourselves in other people's heads and having us put our thoughts of their thinking about about us in them? What?!

And, oh by the way . . . why does it have to be negative?

And, oh by the way . . . who cares what they think about us?

Now, someone may say, "That's not right. That's uncaring!" So I would ask, "For whom?" "Is it uncaring for them or you?"

I think, when we beat ourselves up, by saying , "Look what I've done . . . ", we start in our heads by thinking about what others might be thinking about us. We worry about their thinking, and why? Because they might not accept us. And then everything we do is aimed at them accepting us (liking us; saying "We're OK").

Now, if you want a guilt trip, I am going to give it to you. If you are so worried about what other people think, and therefore start doing what you think would make others think better of you, is that truly "authentic?"

You see, I know a secret about you (us).

We desire to be authentic. Genuine. Trustworthy. Real.

The only way for us to be authentic, is to do what we can, the best we can, without harm to others and without harm to ourselves. Be yourself. You are perfect. We may not always do things perfectly. But hey, tough darts, that's the fun and beauty of being on this little round, hairball planet, called Earth.