Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Closure to a Bad Day - Ralph Waldo Emerson Quote

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I thought there may be someone besides me who could use some closure on the day. We all have bad days. And sometimes we find we don't say or do the best we can do. In our "disease" I have found some of us dwell on; what we did wrong, and didn't do well, and what we said. And God if only we could only take back what we did or said.

I had one of those days. It was smooth sailing. Then someone arrogantly came up to me and said, "You shoulda ...." I let him have it.

He was an ass. But I was an ass too. It was hard to tell who was the first ass.

I beat myself up by feeling regret over taking my pains out on that guy. I was angry with my spouse. She said she wasn't drinking, when I could tell she was. I thought I handled it well with my spouse by saying "I knew differently." Apparently I wasn't over it and used this opportunity to unleash some of my rejection and anger. The guy was a little arrogant. I have a small problem with people who think they are better than others. It probably is because of self-esteem for some reason I cannot see.

I called about an hour later to apologize. He wasn't in. But I left a message to call me. He hasn't called me back yet. I did my part. Now I want closure, which is an apology for the way I behaved. I need no apology from him. I only need to apologize for me and my sake. The sincere apology brings closure. Perhaps it will stop me from the guilt of my behavior

So I leave you and me with the quote again;

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson

12 comments:

nanceelee said...

"to high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

I so easily get wrapped up in my own nonsense. I love the clean slate idea. I know it's hard at times, I know it isn't just all your own nonsense at times. A day at a time.

Peace.

joe said...

All - We have a friend who is struggling. She is commenting on an earlier Post (How Al-Anon Works). Here is the link:
http://alanondiary.blogspot.com/2008/01/how-al-anon-works.html

If any of you have a question or thought, she could use guidance. If you can help, she might appreciate a thought or two.

Joe

Anonymous said...

Joe...Thank you for referring others to my comments. I am hoping I am in the right "area" now. I have a name...I don't want to be anonymous any more. My name is Lorraine. I just have to figure out how to sign on now! (rookie, but I am learning) I posted in the other area and await your response if any. Have a blessed day. I loved what you wrote yesterday. I wrote it in my journal.

Skip said...

Lorraine,I read your previous comments and felt like you were writing about my life. You are absolutely not alone in your feelings or experiences. I wish you well in your journey.

I too loved todays posting! Like Lorraine, I am new at this and found this site by chance, I am sure I will now be a regular visitor.

Thanks for your efforts Joe, they do help

Debby said...

I love that quote. I think I will print it out and hang on my fridge!

Ashley said...

Lorraine,

I was in the same position as you in April last year. I realized I was unhappy and didn't like how my life was going, so I talked my husband into going to counseling. Our counselor was wonderful because we both liked him. He didn't always say things we wanted to hear, but he was very sensitive to not blaming. Constructive ways to deal with issues don't really involve blame. When we first started going, I thought I knew exactly what our issue was, if he would stop drinking everything would be fine. Actually, that's a little basic. I knew we had other issues we had to deal with, but we couldn't even come close to touching them until the alcohol was out of the picture. My husband is a binge drinker that started off slowly. When we first met it was once or twice a month, and over the course of 10 years it became every other night, 15-20 beers at a time.

I started feeling better once we started counseling, but it was a fleeting emotion - usually wore off about 24 hours after our appointment. I didn't start to really feel better until I started going to al anon meetings in September. I tried al-anon about 3 years ago, but didn't get anything out of it. I think at that time I wasn't ready. I spent most of my time thinking about all the ways I could fix all of the other people around the table rather than looking at my own issues and problems. I started going to meetings and was extremely fortunate to find a "home" group the first meeting I attended. The people in the group were exactly who I needed to be around. Sometimes it doesn't work that way - If you don't feel comfortable in the first meeting you go to, find one on a different night or place to see if it's a better fit. The old timers around the tables will tell you to give it 6 meetings. By that point you should have a good idea what the program entails and will hopefully hear a lot of wisdom that will keep you coming back.

Through the course of the last 3 months or so, I've been able to gain my respect back for my husband which I definitely lost somewhere along the way. I can see him for the good person he is and hate the alcoholism, instead of him. I've also noticed a huge difference in myself. I like myself again, and don't see that shrieking harridan I had become. My children, friends and co-workers have noticed a difference in me, and most amazingly, my husband has too. Even though he's drinking again (went through 60 days of sobriety before falling off the wagon), he's drinking much less than before, and we're not arguing all the time. our house is a much better environment for our children, and at this point, the only one who's really changed is myself. (which is at times very frustrating, but I'm dealing with it).

This is turning out to be more of an essay than a comment on the site. Hopefully it helps. I started a blog myself a few weeks before Christmas so that I could put some of my thoughts in writing, to look back at and remember my "moments of clarity", and maybe possibly help other people going through the same problems. Good luck, and make sure you post back here after your meeting.

Joe said...

There are some beautiful comments and responses for those that have asked for guidance.

I would like to use so of these as posts.

I am wondering if there is any one who would mind?

Joe said...

my previous Comment should have read; "I would like to use some of these comments as posts"

ashley said...

I don't mind, if you're referring to mine :)

I hope you're having a great weekend!

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