Al-Anon On-line Meeting: Setting Boundaries

On-line Al-Anon Meeting on: Setting Boundaries

If you have found this website you are invited to join us in a weekend long, Al-Anon Meeting. The on-line meeting starts Friday evening 1/25/08 and runs to Sunday 1/27/08 evening.

A Note: To view this post and the comments at the same time, click on the link here (click here) in order to get a better view.

This is where we start. To get us started here is a comment from wm and a quote from the Al-Anon book Courage to Change;
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This is from "wm" who left this in a comment to a post Thursday:
When I started al-anon I thought I had set boundaries long ago but I was willing to take a look at it. Oh, yeah sure, I have boundaries.

After a while in the program I began feeling like my husband was stepping all over my boundaries. I wondered why this was happening. So I talked to my sponsor about it. She asked me what I do whenever my husband crosses the line. Wellll, what do you mean? How do you enforce your boundaries?

At this point I began to think about what I was doing when my boundaries were crossed. Reacting, losing my temper, yelling (again).

So I asked her for some suggestions on what to do. Since my husband and I are geographically separated at this point she told me I could politely end the conversation and give him a specific time when I would call him back. For now this seems to work but as with all things in an alcoholic marriage it may have to be adjusted later.

If we were living in the same house I would guess that going for a walk would be an option or just leaving the room would work too.
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This is taken from the Al-Anon book, Courage to Change;
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Many of us come to Al-Anon confused. We are so focused on our alcoholic loved ones that may not be able to see where they leave off and we begin. We've lost our sense of what is appropriate. How can we distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable behavior when we don't even know what we want or need?

[It talks about Step 4 here, about an inventory, and what our values are or need to be and my new values of what I will accept and not accept]

Where in the past I have allowed unacceptable behavior, I now can choose a different response. I must consistently do what I say I am going to do. Today I have the courage and faith to be true to myself. whether or not others like or agree with me. I must remember that announcing my new ways to others is not nearly as important as knowing what my own limits are and act accordingly.

Today's Reminder
I will remember that knowing my boundaries does not mean forcing others to change; it means that I know my own limits and take care of myself by respecting them. The focus, today, is on me.
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There we some really good posts earlier. Feel free to repeat the points you've made on these earlier posts. Please ask any questions and ask for guidance if you have any burning desires.

Let's start the On-Line Al-Anon Meeting on Setting Boundaries