Sanity

In working the first three Steps, we try to restore ourselves to sanity. I have worked the first three Steps accidentally, by the way. It was in working the first Step that I had to realize there was a power greater than me to handle the stuff I could not handle. So, I drifted to the next two Steps, because I worked Step 1 so hard. Because I had Step 1 worked, I still had unresolved issues, so I had to ask for help - turn it over - as Step 3 states, and give it the God of our understanding. Which meant, I had to accept, a God, in Step 2, and have him restore me to sanity.

This concept was SO foreign to me, that in the beginning I thought this was hogwash (I state it more strongly but you get my drift). It was only when I realized that I needed help and that working Step 1 would "allow" me to give up the things I could not manage. BUT FIRST I HAD TO REALIZE IT. The "IT" I am referring to is; "That I could not manage or do everything on my own."

This was a big realization for me. Let me tell you how I did it, in hopes that it may help you.

First, a very powerful figure in my life told me: "Joe, just read and reread Step 1." I thought he was crazy. It took me a month to just do what he said. So I read Step 1 over and over. I did not get it. I thought it was bull.

Then, one night, before a meeting, I went to a Panera Bread Company, sat there, and read from "Hope for Today" all the Step 1 passages I could. I took notes in a spiral bound notebook. In fact, I rewrote the passages in the first person. This means, I wrote, "I am . . . " or "I have . . . " as I copied each or almost each line from about six or seven passages out the book before the meeting.

Then what I did, I tried to relate each topic that was brought up in every meeting, to Step 1. I asked myself - about the topic - "How does this subject relate to Step 1?" I did not do this scientifically, that is, I did this accidentally.

Then, my sponsor - who is a good soul - pushed me to buy Paths To Recovery. He then sat me down and asked me questions that are in the back of the Chapter on Step 1 and discuss them with him. Man, it was laborious. But he is a good man, and he wants to help, because it helped him. That is, what we were doing - talking about Step 1 - was actually reinforcing the ideas and concepts in his mind and emotion.

Those three things, helped me. It was not a perfect process. But it got me into understanding I needed help. That I was insane because of the qualifier in my life. She was lying to me and covering up her drinking. I could no longer tell when she was completely sober or not. In fact few can. Except for one time - in the morning when she first wakes up. She is a VERY different person. A kind, loving, sweet, gentle person. But - somewhere she takes one swig of wine - her whole body, mind, emotion, facial expression, talk, etc. shifts just slightly. Sometimes, the swig is two or three, the shift is more pronounced. She has learned to "control" her drinking, so as to not let on. I know this now that I am a little closer to sanity.

I also learned, that I could not control her drinking - that is - stop her. My trying to stop her from drinking, drove me crazy, not her. This was and still is - a huge hurdle that I am now over.

So, Sanity. This is what we need - first and foremost. Why? Because YOU owe it to yourself. You cannot make a rational decision or decisions based upon INSANITY that you are living in and are accustomed to. You owe it to your children too.

Sanity. Sanity. Sanity. We get there - I believe - by working Step 1 hard. And then, because you have stuff you cannot manage, you have to have a power to turn it over to and get him to work the stuff you cannot. By the way, it is not just the BIG stuff, it is the stuff that can be too emotional too. This does not mean we escape responsibility - like not needing health insurance - but it does mean we turn it over to our Higher Power to get guidance, provide an answer, give us strength, open a door for us to walk through. Answers do come. And Sanity begins to be restored.

I hope this passage helps you today. But you have to work the program. The program is the Steps in Al-Anon. It means reading, getting a Sponsor (GET ONE - even if it is a temporary sponsor), working the Steps, and going to meetings.

Oh yes, speaking of meetings, this helped me too. I went to about 5 to 10 meetings a week for about four weeks. I go to about 4 to 6 meetings a week now. I am fortunate enough that there are a lot of meetings in my city.

One more thing about meetings, before I sign off. I am going to say this, because I need to. I go to a lot of "different" Al-Anon meetings. There are meetings in certain parts of my city that cater to special interest groups - but they are open to all. They may be gay, African-American, Hispanic, etc. I have found these meetings are much stronger than many of the other "regular" meetings I go to. Why? Because, in these other meetings, these people have been through a lot of intense pain, perhaps ridicule, and perhaps non-acceptance. Here in these meetings, are people who have been where you may be or worse - have been in places you cannot imagine the pain. But because of their pain, and there ability to feel and empathize, they are very open, honest and very accepting. Here in these meetings, if you can find people who have been through intense pain and are very serious about Al-Anon, will you find, some great strength and courage and wisdom.