Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Being Right

I have learned that being right is, well, not always right. Being "right" locks you into a belief, a belief you may have picked up a long time ago. And as you know, if you have read this blog, that our beliefs are not necessarily true. A belief is something we believe to be true. But it is not a fact.

Being right defends our beliefs. We attempt to look at why the other person is wrong, instead of what "just is." Because someone has a different belief than us, we tend to think this person is wrong, and I am right. Or we think this person is not as smart as we are . . . or "less than us." And soon, our views of this person (or groups of people) are "tainted." What I mean by tainted is that anything they say is evaluated and judged a little harder.

Being right should not be for you. Being accurate is what we should aim for. Sometimes there are shades of grey - and not black and white, right or wrong, and this or that.

Someone once said, "Genius is the ability to hold two opposing views in the mind at the same time." I might add - without going crazy or without getting stuck.

If we can stop trying to be right, we allow new information to come into our minds. If we can stop trying to be right and defending our current beliefs, maybe we will be able to let go of certain mistaken or faulty beliefs that are holding us back. Our beliefs can act as a set of brakes on ability to grow - much like a car has brakes. And if you are driving through life with your brakes on, you may never reach your destination - or if you do, your engine may be worn out.

Our beliefs can be modified to help accelerate our growth.

Now what does this have to do with a recovery blog? Everything. We get locked into a set of beliefs that may have come from one of our qualifiers. The belief from our qualifier can be powerful or have a powerful impact on how we think about ourselves and the world in which we live. And our qualifiers may be the last people we should listen to. But for some damn reason we tend to put stock in what they say. Maybe not at first. But over time, like the drip, drip, drip of water, it wear us down and we become - well - sick.

Stop and evaluate your thinking and your thoughts. Ask yourself, "Where did I come up with this thought?" And then ask. "Is it something that is true for me? Today?"

Your thoughts and beliefs act like the brakes on your car. Or they can be like the gas peddle on your car. Of course it depends where you are going. If you are going off a cliff you want to apply the brakes, so don't get me wrong, some beliefs that stop us from doing stupid things are good!

Just evaluate your beliefs. Our beliefs may not necessarily be "right." That is, they may be inaccurate.

One last thing about this belief thing and being right. Look at what you are defending. If you get defensive or defend an opinion, take a look at this. It may reveal a fear or a hurt that you have deep down inside. Ask yourself, "Where did I get that from?" It may take some effort to get past the scar tissue.

Have a great day.


Anonymous said...

This is a big issue for me, and I am working very hard to change my thought processes, and reactions in this area.

I am finding out more and more everyday the power of LISTENING!

Breaking down this area of my life has been a difficult process, and that process has shown me that many times I am already thinking of the words to defend my postion, rather than be more open to the position of others.

I am a work in progress this morning.

Peace this Monday.


ThisJane said...

awesome.awesome. topic...very true and hard to do ! But very necessary.

Anonymous said...

sometimes it's just easier to be happy than right...When I was growing up I challenged if I disagreed with my family...so I either continued to fight for what I beleived, hense the fight or I gave up and lost my voice, or complied. I have discovered that when faced with disagreement my nature is to back into my corner with both guns loaded, now days I just think well, how important is it really? I sit worth a discussion? Do I have to really defent myself, after all I 'm not on trial here or am I. I have peace knowing I can beleive whatever I want and so can you.It doesn't affect me anymore...but if you are thinking something about me and it's not true then we have a problem because I will defend myself until I am exhausted and then I wil simply walk away, usually hurt and pissed.


Syd said...

I can't defend myself in an effort to be right. I can hear what the other person is saying because they have a right to their opinion. I may not agree with them but they do have a right to what they think. It's hard to not defend but I don't think anything said would change their mind.