Monday, August 4, 2008

Pushing My Button & A Power Greater Than I

Today my wife - soon to be exaroo - and I met and actually exchanged words. It became a defensive conversation as I explained that I thought we should try to keep any conversations about the divorce, finances, etc away from our daughter.

She went on to say that if our daughter heard anything it was probably through her friends, that have mothers that are friends with my soon to be exaroo-wife.

I said, "Huh?" And then I lit up inside. It was the shallowest of lies and BS. And I said, "That's pretty vague. That's enough." And then left.

I called my sponsor - he is the greatest man in the universe. He sits and listens. Then he tells me to say, "Three Our Fathers", "Two Hail Mary's," and sing the song "Kumbaya."

Actually the last part was a joke. The singing and saying prayers part.

My sponsor listens and says, "What are you powerless over?"

My response, "Anything my wife does or says."

Him, "What can you do about it?"

Me, "Come to believe a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity."

I am working the Steps 2 and 3 at the same time. I learned "Power" can be not just God, but any power greater than I am at that given moment. It might be a Al-Anon friend, a sponsor, a reading, a meeting, etc.

Thank God for this program. I have never opened up so much to someone about my fears and foibles. And to have someone there - right there - so I can unload - but at the same time not talk about the qualifier and not take sides. We are not looking to right and righteous. This will not bring serenity, in fact will only block it.

In my old days, I would have argued with my soon to be ex. I would try and convince her that my way was right. Even though I am right - I was wrong. OK, that last sentence was to be a little humor too. The good news is, I can control my wanting to control. And let go of the uncontrollable. In the old days, I would have gotten really worked up. But after calling my sponsor, I was - well - done with it.

My sponsor said, "Get out your notebook. Write every feeling you have from that experience. Don't have to show it with anyone, you can burn the pages, but write every nasty thing you can think about the situation.

Well, the first thing I wrote was about her hair. She is using a flat iron thing. Her hair looks like Cleopatra's hair. OK? So I did write that. And I am not proud, but that was the nastiest I got. Except for her dress. Why do women wear pup tents for dresses? OK. That was the second nastiest thing I wrote. The third thing I wrote was about her talking incessantly and jumping from topic to topic. That last part was probably due to the alcoholism (she wasn't drunk or drinking as I could tell. But she has a form of attention deficit disorder.).

I wrote more. But I wrote about me. And the above nasty things were and are - none of my business. And frankly, a form of judgment - well not a form - it is judgment. I wrote about why I got angry and why I hate lies and deceitfulness. I hate lies and deceiving - I am not sure why I want people to stop spinning. But again, that's not my business, as long as I know they are lies, and they don't harm me.

Focus on yourself. That's the key.

Later - let me tell you about a dinner date I had with two friends. One lady was from Russia. Pretty interesting.

See you tomorrow. Hope you are well. Or this one

The weather is here, wish you were well.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

http://www.silcom.com/~joy2meu/joy_21.htm

This is just the first google of emotional incest. you are right not to want to put your daughter in the middle.

Me said...

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Syd said...

Do your thing and forget as much as you can about what your wife does or thinks. Just be true to Joe. We are powerless over others.