Monday, February 25, 2008

My Resentment - An Update (Late breaking)

Al-Anon spouse works. AA spouse plays tennis. Who is stressed here?

So, I am working with conference calls and the normal issues of a hard, good job. My wife is at a tennis lesson this morning.

A Little Background
My wife decides to play tennis. Oh yes, I failed to mention because she does not work, will not work, that's right, she refuses to work, because it is "too much stress" on a "recovering alcoholic." At least that was one of the stories she fabricated, why she could not work. She said they at the clinic said don't work. Actually I semi-believed it. But the clinic people said she should. It would keep her occupied and doing something. What is it? "Idle hands makes for the devils playground"

She never played tennis before. She is uncoordinated. But NOW she does. She actually stinks at it but because she has nothing to do and wants to present a good front, she is out with the girls.

This sucks

Back to This Minute
So, the school nurse calls me. Can't find your wife. So we are calling you. Apparently your daughter has a bladder infection. Dear Joe, who now has to drop everything, reschedule the con calls, goes to the school picks up our daughter, which I absolutely have NO problem doing, and takes daughter to doctor.

But the problem I have is my wife, mother of my child, has cell phone turned off at tennis lesson as it may interupt the lesson and distract the other girls.

Are you friggin' kidding me???? AM I in a nightmare here?

This only gets worse. It's not the drunkeness, it's the selfishness. Damn this is hard.


Syd said...

My sponsor has told me that when he got busy he got better. I understand that because if I just lived in my own head, I'd be lost. I don't know whether your wife is working the steps but that would no doubt help her in recovery. There's more to recovery than not taking a drink.

Joe said...

Thanks everyone. I am in pain. I am in a tornado of indecision. I am in the whirl of the things that keep on hitting me that I do not foresee. I have pain because I have a wife who I feel undoes whatever I am trying to do to help our daughter.

I am in pain. Under the resentment and anger is nothing but pain of abandonment and pain of a person who I am not sure whether she has really stopped drinking (I no longer look, I have learned) but has no sense or feeling of compassion.

In some ways, even though this is an anonymous blog, I dislike admitting this pain I feel.

Thanks for listening.

Anonymous said...


Syd's comment is so right on in regards to more to recovery than not taking a drink.

It was for me the selfishness that led to the feeling of abandonment, and resentment.

The lack of concern for me, and others is what eventually drove me in a different direction. There was no longer a trace of foundation to the relationship. So, I had to spend countless hours breaking it all down, how it started, where it was at, and how I envision the future if everything remained the same. I say no daylight, no peace, no contentment, no way out.

I no longer assumed of her anything, and found all I was doing was trying to corral a wild horse that just wanted to roam and run the lands the way she wanted, without regard of me. I had to admit that to myself, before I could make any decision to change it.

Joe, you seem to be one hell of a father, and the world needs more men like you that stand firm on conviction, and responsibility.

My wish for you is clear vision, in reviewing the past, living in the present, and what lies ahead of you. With the right heart, I am sure you will find the answers that lead you to the right decisions for you, and your family.


nancy said...

Thank you for posting this. My husband is a recovering alcoholic (though I didn't know him when he drank) and also decided not to work. It's been a year now. We don't have kids. Over the last half year, every little thing he does that is not related to finding a job feels like a rusty fork twisting my chest. I went to my first Al-Anon mtg yesterday and learned I have to think about myself. So I wonder, why do I even need this person in my life?

Anonymous said...

Resentment right now at this moment i have resentment no anything that is heartwrenching but if i kept score which isnt healthy i would have alot of it. Today i wanted to do something or expressed something to my qualifier well of course his opinion was worth its weight in gold not in my opinion So i clearly stated to him That isnt how i am or feel my thoughts my opinion Got inot an argument and he got out of the car and walked home Now of course he is sulking in the bedroom Well i really dont care I made my point Sometimes you have say it I feel if i dont that is when i build up the resentment I did say something out of line and left him a message by calling him a looser i reacted and that i take ownership of but he walks all over my boundaries and it could be something little He does things without asking and that is walking all over my boundaries He goes to counseling but his counselor needs to address boundaries Clear and stated So today he is sulking but that is his choice and i dont have to allow myself to be taken into his drama That is all i have to share today.

Anonymous said...

Atleast your wife is sober and trying. I am slowly wathcing my mom kill herself and she refuses to do anything but hang out with the bottle