Saturday, February 16, 2008

How To Use This Blog

This is about how to use this blog to your benefit.

On the right hand side of the blog, you will see links to a lot of information. It may seem confusing at first. But if you look to the right of this blog, you will see the following;

1. The latest 5 Blog Posts
These latest 5 posts to this blog is a fast and easy way to search.

2. A Table of Contents: Label of Past Posts
The table of contents (diagram on the right) allows you to search the entire blog very quickly bringing back all the blog posts related to the Label or Topic and all the readers comments.

3. Other Resources Links
Toward the bottom of the blog are scientific and government sponsored links about addiction and alcohol studies. These are placed here for you to click or link to. These are the major resources and organizations that are looking into the disease.

A word of caution: In our attempts to understand, we often become consumed by it and attempt to fix the alcoholic. This is a mistake as this is our attempt to control and fix, which is impossible to do. It becomes our obsession (addiction) and our disease.

4. What Other People Are Saying

On the right toward to top middle, you'll find the latest 5 comments people have made. You can click on the actual comment and it will take you to the comment AND the actual Blog Post. This is a fast, easy way to see what situations others are dealing with and their coping strategies.

5. Past Diary Posts

Here you can search by the Date of the Post and Title. You can see the Blog Post and the Comments.

The Google Search Field: Really Cool. At the upper, left corner of your screen (scroll back to the top) you'll see a search display. You can search this blog by typing in a word like "detachment" or "vent" or other words. The Search Engine will search the blog for all words matching this request and bring back all those Blog Posts/Articles matching your request.

6. Get a Better View of the Post and Comments by . . . You can get a better view of the posts and comments by double clicking the Article (or Post) Title. Clicking on the Post Title will bring back only that article/post and the comments so you don't have to flip to the comments to see what others are saying. This allow you to go back to the blog post and the comments just by scrolling up and down on the screen.

This makes it easier for you to read what others are saying and the actual blog post/article.

7. Your Responsibility and Gift

The fact you are taking time to read this Blog, realize the greatest gift you can provide a blogger is making comments. All comments are really Anonymous, although people use first names or "monikers."

By the way, even if you disagree and your comment is contrary to what was written, that's OK (and encouraged!). Perhaps, most important, is making a comment may help clear your mind of your situation AND give insight to the readers of how their situation is affecting them.

So, providing comments is a gift to the readers of this blog as well. We all benefit by others experiences and insights and questions.

8. This Blog is Anonymous
What you read here, and write here is anonymous. The blog is simply a tool for us to vent, learn, encourage, and find peace. It is not affiliated with Al-Anon or any religious sect or denomination or public or private organization. It is privately funded with the time and energy of me and the participants. This blog is not influenced by the opinions of any organization.

MOST of all: This is meant to be a safe place for you.

9. We Encourage You
I or we, encourage you to read and comment. Some things may not pertain to you. You may find them humorous, encouraging, inconsequential or meeting with your disapproval.

Take what you want, and leave the rest, for we are simply humans doing the best we can, with what we have, at this point in time.

10. My wish to You
My wish is for you to find happiness, however you define it. You may leave or live with the alcoholic. Your promise to yourself is your promise to your life. No one can judge you and no one will judge you here.

What I am not advocating however; we may go through difficult times, this is a place to unburden. However, I am not advocating accepting any type of abuse to you or your children. To me, there is no ability to rationalize abuse, whether it be mental or physical. It you are abused, I encourage you to seek outside agencies for yourself and your family. That is as far as I can go in giving guidance.

Best wishes,



Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for generously giving your time, humour and encouragement.
I really appreciate this blog and the opportunity to participate with others.
Al anon is very new to me, but this makes it a little less daunting.

Joe said...

Thank you. It does my heart good to help others. I saw my mother struggle raising us. Maybe it's this need I am trying to fulfill . . . helping others.

You all are not alone

Anonymous said...

I've been reading and trying to catch up with the subjects covered in your blog. I am so glad I found it. It is all very relevant and helpful even after all these years when I thought I had it all figured out.

I am living with a non recovering alcoholic (have chosen to stay) and came from a family of two alcoholic parents. I had I joined a group about a decade ago to help myself (actually make that 14 years ago!) and was determined to stay because I believed it was the best thing I could do for myself and my children. My husband is a good guy - lots of great qualities. Just has some whopper of a downside. Anyway, what about if someone steps on your toe - it hurts! You can't just say, "Well, I'm letting that hurt, I'll just choose to not let it hurt." It definitely hurts! Same thing, when I am let down by someone that I "expected" to take care of my feelings and instead he belittles me in a drunken outburst of negative energy. Sorry, but that takes a while to get over. Is the answer, "don't have any expectations."? The answer for me has been - don't talk, don't trust, don't feel - these are survival rules and I adopted them because they helped me get through life. BUT there was a price to pay and that was that I lost out on intimacy with myself and my husband. I am now a 53 yr. young woman still trying to get to know myself and be real. And guess who is mad at me because we are not close. Yup. My husband is a very angry man because I just can't seem to snuggle up to him so much (like snuggling up to a porcupine - you get pricked!). Sometimes I still play a part and go along with things when I don't really want to - crap - I am 53! not some snot nosed teenager with peer pressure problems!

Well, thanks for letting me ramble. It's great to share and know I am not alone. But my sister had a good observation/question - why do you just stay with an alcoholic and stay with al-anon your whole life and that becomes your new life? Why not just bail out and start a new life? (No dependent in your life, then your no longer co-dependent!!) Kath

Joe said...

If only I had a "nice" alcoholic. Are there any? Are there any alcoholics that are unselfish, not mean, not deceitful, lying, coniving, arrogant, rude, self-absorbed?

The alcoholic in my life, is well, all of those things.

If you join our group Al-Anon meeting, you can get a lot of help and support. All for the cost of typing.

Welcome Kath.


Joe said...

Kath - by the way, I thought the same thing your sister said. Unfortunately we have to learn to be less codependent, because if we leap to single, we will probably attract other little people who make us codependent, except now they are a lot older and have a lot more experience.

Anonymous said...

Reading your experiences through this blog has been very inspiring for me. You have given me the hope that through attending Al Anon meetings and working a program, that I too may become whole again.

Thank you for your time and dedication to this outlet.

Cyd said...

I want about just for today I realize i cant change anyone or anything. I want to keep the focus on me. I go to school try to do a good job I get alot of angry for my alcholic but when i look at him i see the work sick written all over him He is a part of his brain which is his emotions is stuck in immaturity I am told that whatever age a person starts drinking that where there level of maturity is. Well i am inclined to believe that So i can only pray for this person It seems like i am living with two people The one that constantly wants to be good and be loving but the other person comes along and steals him That is what i see. So in till he get help I still have to work my program.

Anonymous said...

My name is anne and i have been helped with dealing with all my tears and fears through a friend well-aquainted with Al-Anon. I left my jusband a while ago, but I never really left the disease at all. it is a terrible illness and now i face my eldest son having the same disease.
still ... all the principles of Al-Anon have saved me from going under, or going insane.
I tried hard to learn to forgive, but i failed at that ( or I am still learning, i think)
at present, however, i get enormous help from just trusting my Higher Power - to 'Let go and Let God' For some reason, at the moment, that is working easily for me ... which is weird because in the past, I was a real control freak - trying to control my husband's illness and then just trying to 'control' every damn thing in my life. i have been pretty good at driving myself nuts.
take care everyone and God bless

Anonymous said...

With respect, Would a non-codependent tell someone how to use a blog?