Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Getting Unstuck - Part 1

Getting unstuck is important in living with an alcoholic. We want advice. We want someone to tell us to leave this person who is driving the family crazy. Then reality faces us. What will happen to the children? Who will win them - me or her/him - in a child custody case. I can't afford to leave him/her. What will happen to me? Will I find another mate - and will this one be as crazy as this one? I love this person, . . . don't I? Or am I used to living with this person and in reality I cannot face the reality and I use this as an excuse? Can I continue for just one more month, one more year, two more years, etc?

We've all thought these thoughts, at one time or another. Haven't we? I know I have.

Another pervading thought permeating our conscious from the subconscious may be seen or heard in these words;

Will he be drinking tonight? Will the children have homework and not get it done on time because the alcoholic will come in drunk interupting the childrens' evening? Will supper be cooked on time? Will I have to hide the keys so he can't drive? Will he drive and try to take the children with him?

Damn. That is a lot of pressure. No one knows that thoughts that go on in our heads that make us crazy. No one knows the insanity that we have in our lives. Yet, it is this insanity that makes us fill our heads with stuff and clutter. We have to cut through the clutter.

Restore us to sanity God. And who has not cursed God at one point for doing this to us? That is a big admission.

Here is something, that can or may help you. It is about making decisions. The psychological aspect of them. To me, it is about finding out what we want and how can we get unstuck.

I read it paragragh this morning. I read it a 100 times before. But this morning it made me think about me - just a little differently. It gave me some peace of mind and some insight. It made me see myself in a different light. And perhaps question me about me and why I am stuck.

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"You've heard it said that no decision is a decision. Hidden within indecisiveness is the goal of always being right. As long as we don't know what we want, we will never be wrong, never make a mistake, and hence we will never be disappointed. We have been programmed since childhood not to make mistakes. By being indecisive we can remain a child. The moment we decide to take charge our lives is the moment we really leave home. Once we start making decisions for ourselves, we are on our own.

"It is safer not to make decisions, to be passive, childish and to take our cue from others. Making a decision always reveals something about you. Making a decision tells people who you are. And so, making a decision is essentially divulging a great secret. If your purpose in life is not to reveal who you are, then you will always remain undecided.

"Another reason for indecisiveness is the fear that we may have to give up something. For example, if you want to take a vacation to Hawaii, it means you have to give up going to the Bahamas at the very same time. To choose one goal means you may have to give up others. If you decide on a certain way, it means you may have to give up other paths. It means you can’t be everything, do everything and have everything at the same time. It means you can't please everybody. When you make a choice, you run the risk of rejecting the values of certain people. They may see you, as you really are, not the way they want you to be. In other words, not like them. So by doing nothing, you may be able to retain the love and approval of different people whose values contradict each other, and your indecisiveness helps you to avoid trying to reconcile situations that can't possibly be reconciled."

FROM Robert Anthony's book "Advanced Formula for Total Success" (now called "Beyond Positive Thinking"). Chapter 5 - titled "Write Your Own Script"

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Isn't this a powerful message? Is this not eye-opening? I hope it has some affect (or is effect?) on you today. Look at these words;

  • We have been programmed since childhood not to make mistakes. By being indecisive we can remain a child. The moment we decide to take charge our lives is the moment we really leave home.

  • It is safer not to make decisions, to be passive, childish and to take our cue from others.

  • Making a decision always reveals something about you.

  • Making a decision tells people who you are. And so, making a decision is essentially divulging a great secret.

  • If your purpose in life is not to reveal who you are, then you will always remain undecided.

  • When you make a choice, you run the risk of rejecting the values of certain people. They may see you, as you really are, not the way they want you to be.

  • . . . your indecisiveness helps you to avoid trying to reconcile situations that can't possibly be reconciled.

Maybe certain other words struck you.

I will post another part of this book in a post later today or tomorrow. Stay tuned . . .

6 comments:

FrannyGlass said...

Wow. This hit me between the eyes. Thanks for posting.

Syd said...

My main issue is that I need not to make someone else my Higher Power. I need to stay focused on me and not the drama of the other person. Some days that's just hard to do.

Joe said...

Me too FrannyGlass. Smack dab. Wait til tomorrow, when I post the second part of this little chapter. It means something different each time I read it. I'd better stop reading it!

Syd - yes. We sometimes do hold someone else up above us to "make" our decisions for us don't we? It's like going to a protologist for a toothache

Joe

Laurie said...

Hard to read because the truth hurts. What do you mean I can't please everybody? I must try harder! ;o)

Another book I need to buy...good thing I got Barnes & Noble gift cards for Christmas!

Marie said...

I am so indecisive at this point and so many of these points hit home for me I cant even believe it . I am going to buy this book tomorrow !! I think this paragraph is extremely difficult because like others have said the truth really hurts and this article really holds alot of truths that most of us dont even really want to admit.

Anonymous said...

Yes, yes. This is where I am now: "We want advice. We want someone to tell us to leave this person who is driving the family crazy." Well, the family is just me and my dog, but I do want that. I crave someone to tell me, Yes, you must leave him. That is the right decision.

I have always been indecisive, in most things whether big or small. That excerpt allowed me to see why that might be so. Thanks.