Thursday, February 21, 2008

This Weekend - Al-Anon Meeting - Topics?

Anyone, please! who would like to name the topic and do the set up?

It could be multiple volunteers - I will take the first volunteer, and the second will not be a loser - for your topic and set up will be for next week!!

There is no risk of rejection here!


ashley said...

Hi Joe,

I had an incredible meeting on Tuesday night - topic was "Focus on Ourselves" and I thought this could be a great topic for the weekend meeting.

One of the readings from Courage to Change jumped out at me.

page 29

"Many of us learn the value of self-expression in Al-Anon. We discover how we feel and benefit from giving voice to those feelings when it seems appropriate. But there's a difference between expressing ourselves and using words to control others.

Sometimes the only way I can determine whether I'm trying to control someone else or whether I'm simply expressing my feelings is by noticing how many times I say the same thing. If I mention something that is on my mind and then let it go no matter what response I get, I am speaking sincerely. If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control (emphasis mine). If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirable -- agrees with what I've said or takes my advice -- then I know I've lost my focus."

Today's Reminder

"I am learning to be honest with myself. I will not use my recovery as an excuse to justify my efforst to change other people's thinking. Trying to control other people only gets me in trouble. Instead, I will promptly admit such mistakes and put my energy back where it belongs by focusing on myself."

I ended up posting this on my blog yesterday because I really wanted to remember it.

I do this all the time. When my husband and I are arguing or even discussing things, I always think maybe if I just state it a different way, it will make sense to him. I never consider that I might be wrong, or even if I'm right, he may not agree with me. There are times that I feel like I've failed if I can't get him to see things my way. I think that I just didn't figure out the right combination of words to convince him I'm right.

Obviously one of the many things I have to work on.

Hope you're having a great day!

MICKY said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Ah, you touched a place that is somewhat a sensitive one for me.

I like to talk, I do it for a living. However, it doesn't mean it should be a tool of "control" for me. And honestly, it doesn't work as past responses result in whatever they think I need to hear to "shut me up".

I am working hard when I ask a question or make a comment, to simply say it once, then listen, absorb, then respond. It is an easy place for me to simply state my case, listen to only what I want to hear, and have a response already on my tongue before the person is finished communicating.

Being an out-going guy, it is a personality trait I need to learn how to control.

The other day, I stood in front of my mirror before jumping in the shower. Actually had a similar type conversation with myself in the mirror. The image mimicked the same words I did, over, and over, and over, again. The hand movements, all of it was exactly the same.

Wow. Is this really what I sound and look like when I am trying to control someone?

The mirror never lies.

And my work here is never done.


Joe said...

Great - Thanks Ashley.

If there are any other topics for the next few weeks, please don't hesitate to post


Catherine said...

I like this topic! And I had another one to throw in there for future: $$$

I attended an excellent group and heard a variety of shares about how money and financial issues became tools for control, symptoms of illness, etc.

Joe said...

OK Catherine. I think that will be an exciting topic next week. Thanks for volunteering


Carol Arsenault said...

I did my first one on enabling. Been going for a year and no one did that topic. One I have the most problem with as my child is the alcoholic. Was a very good and intense meeting with people really opening up. Now I need to come up with a topic for my second topic.