My "Issue" and Life Long "Fight"

Raised in the "Success Ethic" world - my thinking has become distorted. I have this thought pattern that has been programmed into my brain. I have posted several notes about this before . . .

My thought pattern is simply;

"IF I can just get this, and I can do that, I will be happy."

It is simply the mindset of ;

Have -> Do -> Be

This is what I believed the Happiness Equation is (or was). If I have what successful people have, I will be able to do what successful people do, and I will be like successful people. That is, happy.

I am rewiring the circuitry in my brain. I am trying to tell myself that this is all there is - that is, this moment - this very second - is it!

So I need to do this;

Be -> Do -> Have

I need to reverse the equation. Just Be. Getting to Being -and enjoy what I have, where I am right now. As soon as I get caught up in the future-thinking, I lose my balance, I lose my presence, and I drift into thinking "What if I don't get to have?" As soon as I do this "What if I don't get to have?" thinking, I spiral into some anxiety, whether it is fear or worry about not achieving.

I heard part of a poem - and I think it is a appropriate, so I will share it here;

One life, that soon is past, only what's done with love will last.

Nothing else matters. We get one life. It goes by quickly. We can worry, hate, be unhappy, or be happy. The world, the earth, the universe, keeps on going, with or without us. Time slips away. We cannot control any of it - except - living in the moment - where, perhaps, God truly is. He is not in the future - he is not in the past. God is right here - now. Offering to us, a life to live, to love, to enjoy.

Love. That word in the poem above - that points out we will only remember and be remembered by the love we put into something. Done with love, it says. Action.

Love, a scary word, admittedly for me. Love was about risking - being accepted by another person or the rejected, which is the part which brings up the "scary" thing.

But what if love is also, just Being. Being who you are. Where you are. With what you have. And not think about the things you don't have, what you aren't now. BE. Just BEING means to me, not just be who you are, but BE present.

There is a second verse to the Serenity Prayer that is not repeated in meetings, but it is powerful and fits right into this post. Allow me to place the first two lines of the second verse, and I will close this post on these two lines;

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;