I am traveling today. I flew into Miami . . . What a place. I've been here before . . . It is a great place to party. Too bad I don't party any more. Some how drinking alcohol and Miami and the beach all go together . . .
So, here I am. I am flying out. Business. I am changing out a lot about me. I am not sure where this journey is going and taking me, but I want to thank Al-Anon and I am grateful to my new thinking and priorities.
I had put my life on hold for so long. My mantra was; "I will be happy tomorrow. I will enjoy tomorrow. I will live for tomorrow." Tomorrow never comes.
I am - a saver. I started saving money as soon as I learned how to earn it. I am not a tightwad - I just don't buy boats, and if I can find a deal, so much the better.
Here is a passage from the $1.99 book (A Strategy for Daily Living) I bought that resounds with me. It is obvious to all and to me. But it is resonating with me . . .
"You may soon discover that often you act not from inner impulse but from the desire to behave according to how others expect you to behave.
Simple example of this occur all the time - when catch yourself smiling or agreeing with opinions you privately detest."
Have I been doing this? And if so, for how long?
I am thinking . . . . Good night - as this laptop must be turned off according to the instructions of the people who fly this plane
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Tuesday - Traveling
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6 comments:
Wow, that's a good one. I am trying trying trying to act from inner impulse rather than external messages. It's difficult, but interesting and amazing things have started to happen, even with the few efforts I've made.
Great entry. "A Strategy for Daily Living" sounds like it's both a good deal and a good read. Looked out of stock on Amazon, but I'm going to try and find a copy. Have read and reread another of your recommendations -- Dr. Robert Anthony's, "Beyond Positive Thinking." It really made me think (and positively, I might add) about how my thoughts make my world. Safe travels.
Unfortunately I act from inner impulse at the wrong times. I am having a rough night. My Q came home and was acting in a way that was not acceptable to me. Then I had the bad sense to say something. He pushed my buttons.
Sometimes I want to leave him and other times I feel really sorry for him, particularly when he's drunk and behaves without dignity. I'm essentially witnessing this person's slow demise. He's killing himself by degrees.
My usual Monday night meeting degenerated into a sort of uncomfortable standoff because of an issue that came up in a business meeting. I felt that some people were evaluating and judging the shares of others and I didn't feel safe to be myself and bring my troubles there.
One of my houseplants is covered with aphids. Where are the ladybugs when you need them?
All off-topic from your post but I do appreciate it.
Thanks Franny. I have about 6 copies (old ones and the newer one). I rereread them and have highlight marks all of the pages.
Catherine - detach from what you said and what he said. I know what you are going through. It is easy for me to sit here and say detach. It is so easy to fire a rejoinder thinking it will change the world. Any engagement makes the alcholism stronger and sucks the life out of us and replaces it with anger inside.
Peace to you Catherine tonight and in the morning
For me, "Inner Impulse" creates expectations of myself, those that I can control and have power over.
Perceptions from others, creates expectations I can't control, and have no power over. They usually lead me into making poor choices, thus resentment, and disappointment.
Peace this Wed.
KevinB
I save money but also realize that I make money so that I can have some things that bring me pleasure. A boat was a great purchase for me. It has brought a lot of joy. Hope that your trip goes well.
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