Our Children - Another Al-Ateen Meeting

Last time we spoke about Al-Ateen was several weeks ago. My daughter is ten (10) if you recall. My concern was that she may be too young. On the advice of my therapist and the advice of the rehab's therapists - and a few others at Al-Anon, we went (acutally - I took her and she went).

Last night was our daughter's third meeting. She went in the meeting a little agitated. She is wearing an boot/brace on her foot because of a badly sprained ankle. The brace is difficult to put on. She had taken it off so Daddy (moi) and daughter could go to dinner (a fast food chicken place).

The agitation turned to her not wanting my help and that she could put it on. She went into Al-Ateen not the happiest of campers with me, the boot or probably life [Note to self: she said her life rots this past weekend. Rots. Hmmmm Didn't know they still used that word. It might be coming back. File that one away. I may become cool again. Not that I was ever cool, but maybe I'll get a second chance!]

Before the meeting - I hugged her and told her I loved her, and that I apologized for trying to help her my way. I said, "Next time I will ask you if and how you want me to help you." She hugged me too saying I love you. She said, "You can go now Daddy." She is kind of funny in that she wants to walk in that door by herself.

An Introduction
After Al-Ateen I met her outside, I introduced her to a man who had two sons in the same meeting. He is a really nice man that I sat next to during the Al-Anon Meeting going on at the same time as the Al-Ateen meeting.

While I was introducing him to her, my daughter stuck out her hand to shake his hand and told him her name. I watched this occur with great interest. She knew to extend her hand.

The Heist
After that she needed to use the bathroom - so we went back inside where there was a "Birthday" (someone was celebrating 15 years at Al-Anon). My little girl wanted me to heist a piece of cake. So of course like any good father, I did. We got out with the one with the most icing. She hobbled and I steadied her and the plate of cake, laughing and looking over our shoulders to see if there were any screaming Al-Anoners trying to get their plastic fork, paper plate or cake with the most icing back. Fortunately, we escaped. We laughed in the car when we got in.

Ratings
When we drove off she was laughing and talking how she rated the week. She volunteered the discussion - no prodding from me. She rated it a .5 on a scale of 1-10. Then she said she came back and revised the Saturday night. And rated it a 9.5 out of 10. She laughing and told me another girl was saying that was a very high rating. I asked, "Why so high?" She replied it was "Father-Daughter Dance." Now that sounds self-serving as I type this. It may appear that I am trying to place myself in the best of lights. But the Father-Daughter dance is where the men/fathers stand around in groups talking to each other and the girls do hoola-hoop contest and line dancing and run around eating pizza etc. Every once in a while I was able to sneak in and dance and show my daughter my "moves." My moves consist of what I recall used to be a cool dance. My recall is not very good about the dancing parts of my life and therefore - apparently - my moves probably mirrored the guy, Albert Brennaman, from the movie "Hitch." My daughter pushed me off the dance floor at one point, laughing. I was, I believe, the only father pushed off the dance floor. Hey, but at least I made it to the dance floor!

Anyway, back to Al-Ateen. When we got home she was still very excited and she rated that day - last night a 40 out of 10. A 40? I asked. "Yes," she said, "I really had a great time talking. And I really like this other girl, she is so funny." [Added later this morning - she has bonded with this other girl. One of the supervisors said that the children in these programs "bond" quickly. I can now attest to this.]

Last night I went to sleep in a great mood knowing this (her happiness and how she was SOOO excited. She even screamed out the door, "I am happy world!"). I am thankful and I am grateful. Thank you HP and friend who "advised" me to take her to Al-Ateen. And the man and woman who "oversee" the meeting.

File This In the Weird or In Tune Category
PS - A funny thing how Al-Anon works or life in general. In tune with the Infinite. On the way to the meeting - as we were driving, I wondered if Al-Ateen had sponsors like Al-Anon. At my Al-Anon meeting - while the Al-Ateen meeting was occuring, a woman who did the "set-up" read three (3) passages from the red Al-Ateen book - on - guess? It was on: Sponsorship in Al-Ateen. Weird.

Al-Ateen Meeting

This post is about Al-Ateen and my daughter.

As you know from reading this blog, my wife left with her buddies for an out of town road trip. These are her ol'buddies, and every year, for the past few years they go together to escape the harrowing lives they live of playing tennis and coordinating house cleaners. They must get together to commiserate their intolerable situations, and drink to forget and decrease the amount of stress in their highly stressful lives.

OKAY. That was sarcastic as hell.

I am setting myself up to be the victim. Isn't Al-Anon great? (no sarcasm here). I am going to leave that little snit up there at the top of this post however, to demonstrate that I am still a little (or a lot?) resentful that my wife refuses to try to participate in reality. Well, what Al-Anon has taught me, is this; That's her life and I cannot control it. (Damn Al-Anon, again ;-) )

Al-Ateen Meeting
First, we did not go out of twon. (As you may recall from last week, earlier this week, I was trying to do something fun, since wife decided without seeing if it was convenient for us, that she was going to the lake/mountains two weeks after her rehab program was complete (which by the way she was drinking through the entire time - it was outpatient rehab not inpatient).

I thought about going pretty hard. In the end, I thought that I might be pampering my daughter if we did this. She said, later, that she wanted to stay home and take care of the dog and be with her friend. I must admit this too: I also have a problem spending money, even though we have enough. It is a carry-over from childhood. But I had decided to SPEND away! I am realizing "who cares" about money if you have happiness. (Damn.)

Also, I was able to find an Al-Ateen meeting at a decent hour (6:30PM). Traveling out of town would have put this meeting in jeopardy.

So I picked my daughter up from her school and had an early dinner. And drove up to the meeting. We got caught in 5 o'clock traffic.

Lesson Learned: Never allow child to go back for a Caffeine-Free Diet Coke refill and not expect to stop along the way. (We stopped three times in 25 minutes. You may remember my post Monday when I was pissed that my wife had her cell phone turned off while she was playing tennis and the school nurse tried to reach her and she wasn't able to take the call).

So we went. I was nervous. She (daughter) wasn't. Daughter is 10. Meeting room in back of a church. It was a new meeting. A man and a women "audit" and "run" the meeting. The meeting is new, but had 12 children show up! 12! I think it is in it's 5th or 6th week. Since it's for teens, they will break up meeting into two (2) groups. One group for 9 to 12 year olds. And second group of 13 to 16 year olds.

I went to the Al-Anon meeting in the building right next door.

My daughter was a strange type of peaceful when we left our respective meeting. She was peace and very aware yesterday afternoon when I picked her up and we had dinner. She was laughing and talking - strangely - very fluently for a 10 year old - or very differently from what I have seen before [with her mom being there? maybe daughter felt the center of attention, since mom was not there? or felt center of attention and a little nervous since she knew she was going to a meeting?]

Some "By the Ways" or Some Things You Should Know About This
The first "by the way:" my daughter [I hate calling her that, but I feel if I introduce her name to this blog, I destroy or violate some sort of "rule" I have about the anonymity and sacredness of my daugher, so I apologize for the clunkiness of the term, "my daughter."], has wanted to go to a meeting and has expressed a very very strong desire to go to my meetings and meet all the people. She has said, "I want to know I am not alone." And she has said, "I want to talk to people about how I feel."

Some more by the ways;
I am going to take her to my "therapist" (coach/mentor/guide/teacher/counselor/serpa). My daughter has expressed interest in meeting this lady.

Another by the way; my wife expressed, very much, her doubts about Al-Ateen. She said that the "counselor" at her rehab said that he discouraged it. I confronted her (yes I know, I confronted alcoholism) on Wednesday morning, when she said this. I said, "What exactly did he (the counselor) say?" I got a "Hem and a haw and a maybe and a sorta." That night at Family Night (they allow us family members to attend forever, no matter if the addict goes clean and sober or if they relapse), I asked the counselor and he said, "That's good that your daughter goes." And also, by the way, so did my therapist (serpa/guide/life coach/mentor).

After Al-Ateen Meeting
When my daughter and I got home she started reading the literature - right there at the kitchen counter. She said I am going to make a folder and binder out of the material. I asked if she wanted to talk about what she saw and heard there. She told me just a little bit, that no one talked, they pass around a stuffed animal she said and the animal means you can talk to the animal or just pass. They read from some of the literature she said. Then she said (because I told her about anonymity and what goes on there stays there), and this is funny, "Daddy, this is my meeting. Will you tell me what went on in yours?" I said, "No. I can't." She laughed, and said, "See!!" We both started laughing. Like I said, it was a very strange, peaceful evening.

She wanted to call her mom (I started to put the word mom in quotes. Is that some sort of Freudian thing?). She did but her mother did not answer. That was weird. It was 8:50PM. But my daughter thought nothing of it, apparently or least she did not get upset. I suggested that she call her mom's friend. But daughter said, "No. That's ok. I want to read." (This the same friend of my wife's that I called to apologized to for telling her that she needed to go to Al-Anon to see what alcoholism is all about, since she is instrumental for taking my wife out of town with all her buddies.)

So, we went upstairs got ready for bed and she opened up the red Al-Ateen book. I showed her how to read it by going to the index and finding the topic or subject on what she may want to learn more about or what is bothering her.

So she went to bed/sleep a few moments later. But not before say this. "Daddy, I want to go back there next week, OK?" I said, "So you liked it?" "Yes daddy. I did." She said.

I now have a label for Al-Ateen.