How Al-Anon Works

How Does Al-Anon Work? and What Is Al-Anon?

My blog name is "Al-Anon Diary." It is really a diary about my life. I started writing it for cathartic reasons (getting it out of my system). But the diary will show how I have gone from anger to more of "detachment" and separating myself from being sucked in and contributing to the problem. I owe this to Al-Anon, reading some great books, thinking and rethinking, without over analyzing (OK, sometimes over analyzing), and not making excuses for my behavior. So, what I write here - today - is allot different from what I wrote way back four oer five months ago.

I have asked a number of people to please post their thoughts, and they have done so, and very elegantly, I might add. You will see we are normal people facing abnormal problems. We may not be perfect, or should I say, "What we do may not be perfect." But that is, what makes us human.

So, today I thought I would explain Al-Anon to those of you who are attending or thinking about attending. First and foremost, I wish you all a great and beautiful life.

Where to start? I think I am going to try to explain what who attends first and how it is run or how it is organized. I will add a little commentary - my personal feelings or how I see things. I am going to do this is number form, as a list.

1. What is Al-Anon?It is NOT affiliated with any religion.It is NOT a religious program. It is spiritual in some ways, because we talk about a "Higher Power" - this could be your God. Or it could be a higher consciousness. Or it could be whatever you want it to be. I am not a religious person - for example.
2. It is anonymous. We are all on a first name basis. Although people do get together for coffee or lunch after some meetings. The meeting goes for an hour typically.
3. People are available to talk to after the meeting - in case you are dying on the inside, or have a burning need or issue. I benefited from this several times. I wept and shared my pain. I was dying on the inside. The walls had caved in. And two women, sat with me for an hour afterwards and listened. I owe them a huge debt of gratitude.
4. We sit in a circle and we read the "12 Steps" - and some of the "rules" for the Al-Anon meeting (i.e. "What is said here, stays here). We go around the circle introducing ourselves by first name only; "Hi, my name is Joe."
5. Someone is the meeting planner for that meeting. A topic is read from one of the Al-Anon books that is related to the 12 Steps. He or she picks it at random. It is always some idea or concept that can be related to something that is occurring in your life. Don't ask me how this is - it just is. It is probably due to how we are interpreting the reading.
6. The meeting planner reads and puts what they have read into perspective and how it relates to them (how it helped them).
7. The meeting planner is someone different each week and a member of the Al-Anon group who volunteers.
8. After the reading or point of view, you state your name and comment on the topic and how it has helped you, or how you can use the information. OR - you can talk about what is going on in your life.
9. Or you can sit and listen and not say anything.
10. No one gives you advice (unless you stay after the meeting and only if you ask for it - even then there is much hesitation to advise).
11. No one judges you, or what you have said about what you did.You are not allowed to comment on what is said by someone (although in some cases this is done, but only in a positive and complimentary manner).
12. The Las Vegas rule is applied here (My term, not Al-Anon's term. I am sure it would rankle some that I said that! But it is humorous). What you say here, stays here.
13. You will feel comfortable speaking and getting angry or crying (there is a box of tissues - I know - I used them. I am not a crying man.) The talking allows you to "release" a lot of the energy and tension that has built up. The talking is cathartic.
14. Usually after the first meeting you know you are with people who are facing issues just like yours in so many ways. After a meeting or two you KNOW you are not alone. There is nothing that you are experiencing that someone else hasn't already experienced. This is cathartic.
15. In some cases, usually early on in your attendance of these meetings, you will feel you want an answer, a solution. You want to scream, "Please, just tell me what to do!!" You will find no solution or advice here. It may be a little stressful not getting a solution. You want something that will solve the problem. You may find this to be frustrating - at first.
16. You are seeking a solution. Your answer does show up however (see 15 above as what I am referring to). It comes to you - somehow - I am not exactly sure how, but it does.
17. The meeting and discussions allows you to know you are not crazy. A great many of us know we are not crazy. But the addict can sometimes make us feel like we are "over-reacting" or maybe the "problem is me" not them or the alcohol. Going to the meeting allows you to dispel this natural feeling.
18. You look for a sponsor after several meetings. This person has to have a minimum of 5 years in Al-Anon. The person should be the same sex as you. Because a "relationship" of trust will ensue. And you want it to be a relationship of trust and only trust.
19. A basket is passed around to pay for minor incidentals (coffee, tissues). There are no dues or fees.
20. There is no secret handshake. There is no mysticism. It is not weird.
21. Sometimes you will see your problem in someone else's problem and the answer will come to you as to what you need to do.
22. No one sells anything to you. The pamphlets are free of charge. There are some great pamphlets. The books are for sale only to cover the costs.
23. You will hear words like; codependence, detachment, boundaries, etc and how Al-Anon is meant for you and meant for you to get better - it is not aimed at the alcoholic.
24. There is a workbook for the 12 Steps and you can work through the book. You may go back through the book several times over your life. You never graduate or finish. It is an on-going process.You will see how far you've come after several months.
25. There are meetings going on at night, in the morning and on the weekend. Every meeting has a little bit of a different personality.
26. There are all men meetings, and all women meetings. The most popular is a mixture of both. Going to mixed meetings is - in my opinion as good as going to the same sex meetings.
27. Sometimes people complain (really gripe) about their "qualifier" (this is the person who is the alcoholic in their life). This may turn you off. But I think you should still listen to what the person is saying, because he or she is usually dying from the inside out and you could be there one day in disbelief how your life got turned upside down.
28. I actually look forward to my Saturday morning meeting. I never ever thought I would say this. It is my escape. I was dying on the inside when I first went there over six months ago now.My qualifier is for some reason not happy that I attend. Other members' spouses (qualifiers) actually encourage them to go. They say they can, ". . . tell they haven't been to a meeting in some time and they need a meeting."
29. These meetings are held typically at churches. God bless the churches. I cannot ever thank them enough. Some are held at hospitals.
30. The Al-Anon literature says to try it for six meetings. You may not like the first meeting.
31. I recommend asking members at the end of the meeting for what other meetings they enjoy and try a different meeting from their advice.There is a paper itinerary that lists all the meetings is your areas.T
32. here is a Link on the right hand side that allows you to search the Al-Anon Website for meetings in your area. It is a little confusing because each area has a subarea and these are not exactly in a user friendly form to read. (my only gripe)You will meet people young, middle aged and old.
33. You will meet White, Black, Hispanic - people of all colors.You will meet people of all religions.You will meet smart people - very wise people, who have a spouse, a son/daughter, parent, friend or loved one, who has an addiction to alcohol or a drug.You will meet very rich people, middle income people and people who are barely managing. Here we are all one.
34. No one is any higher or lower. We are all humble, and humbled.You will meet everyone who has been knocked to their knees at the power of this terrible disease and how it has affected themselves and their family.
35. You will meet people who have searched bedroom closets, gone through garbage cans and more, who have tried to see if their qualifier was drinking - before they got help here.You will meet people who are so nice and pleasant and loving.
36. You will meet compassionate, caring people.
37. You will see that this disease is catastrophic in nature after you hear the stories of people who do attend.
38. You will sense that here are the people who know about Al-Anon and wonder about the people who could really use this free support group and all of a sudden feel so sorry for those who are in isolation.
39. You will come to know yourself in a very new way - and sense there is a way to restore your sanity.
40. Remember, this meeting is for YOU. It is not about the alcoholic. It is designed for you to get well, no matter whether your qualifier gets well or not. It is about your getting better. In fact, the good meetings almost "make" you focus on yourself and your healing.

I hope this has helped you. Please post your comments if you have another point or need to clarify things !!! THANKS!