Asking for Help

One of the best Al-Anon meetings I have ever gone to was about "Asking for Help."

As people who have alcoholism in our lives, we tend to carry the burden. We do it all ourselves. We take on everyone's task to make sure the family stays together or tries to function.

And damn, life is hard, isn't it?

But we need help. We have very few people who can understand us and know what we are going through . . .

It was just like that phone call that I received from my wife's best friend yesterday. (see post from yesterday labeled "A Phone Call" or double click here). The women said, "Well she has stopped drinking hasn't she?" Yes, but only for two weeks, and even then I am still not certain, because she hides it so well. And I explained to her that even when the drinking stops (for 2 days or 2 weeks) the alcoholism still rages. She could not understand that fact, and how could she? She is not here in the house of alcoholism - the insane asylum.

So I left it alone - because I could not explain to her that they still have the role of a child. They do not act like an adult. And they are frankly, a bitch sometimes (or bastard), because they are so self-absorbed and self-centered, that no one and I mean no one matters to them and factors into their realm of reality - because they have no realm of reality.

Am I accurate here? Do you know what I mean? Please respond or comment. I am sorry for the strong words by the way, but I know of no other way to describe it.

But back to the main reason of this post . . .
We all need to be able to ask for help. To "unburden" our emotions to someone who will listen. Some one who KNOWS what we are going through. Because just like my wife's friend I mention above and in the earlier post, people who are not living with it, cannot understand what we are going through.

They may look at us as "whiners" and say "get over it." And it may be we need that once in a while. Because we do drown in our whining. "Which is different and better than drowning in our wine, which is how we got to where we are in the first place but that is another story." (that last sentence should be read with a Groucho Marx kind of accent and style, which is supposed to be funny - or somewhat humorous - in a sad sort of way.)

Back to asking for help . . .
My sponsor says something like this; "If we don't ask someone, we keep on asking ourselves and we keep on getting the same answer that is a result of our screwed up thinking." (OK Sponsor, please correct that last statement in a comment here.)

These Al-Anon meetings have gone to a new level for me. I am now not only going to more of them (two a week), but I am now hanging around afterwards, to develop friends, so I may call upon them to help me when I need it. And offer help if they need it.

I have already used my sponsor to help me get out of a bad couple of situations where I just thought my wife was the most arrogant person in the universe. I was able to talk to him and just by his listening, I was able to calm myself down. He made me laugh too. Which gave me a new perspective.

I also reached out to my wife's counselor, something I would have never done before, had it not been for that Al-Anon meeting and that topic on "Asking for Help."

I also reached out to one of my brothers, who, as children, we never got along. But has now become one of my closest confidants. He provides only an ear. And very few words. And the words he chooses are the most heart felt words and guiding words one can recieve.

I have reached out to one of my old friends, who I used to hang out with in my single days and was one of my groomsmen in the wedding - with my marriage to the Bride of Frankenstein. Dear Mr. Frankenstein, some how I married your wife. If you would like her back . . . PS - Please do not return this package to sender, as sender has moved and left no forwarding address.

I am very grateful for these new friends and the new friends I have found here on this blog. This blog started off as a - I don't know - a test of how blogs work? A real raging diary? I am not sure how and why I started this blog now. But I have discovered - this is a place of fellowship, friendship and consoling. I hope - and is this codependence? - I hope you have found this a place to unburden and friendship as well.

My wish for you is to go to Al-Anon and make the leap as I have. It isn't perfect. Nothing is. But it is a place for us to share and find friends where we can - and I like this word a lot - "unburden."

My best to you all today. And if you have to rage or wage war - rage or wage war here. Here you can get pissed off and unburden, safely and soundly. Or attend an Al-Anon meeting.

PS - you will see a label for this post below called "Effective Tools." The way these blogs work is that you create labels for each like an index in a book. And then you can search by these labels. Asking for help is an effective tool. Very effective.

PPS - please comment. A blogger's gift are the comments he or she receives.